True Pain

Sometimes this weight on my shoulder

Feels like the weight of the world

And I can feel myself growing older

with each minute growing colder

To the pleas of everybody around me

I get lost in thought

Every time I walk down a road

And I can't decide

Whether I should stop or not

One mile, two miles, three miles, four miles

And after a while

My legs go numb

But I keep walking on and on

Trying to solve the problems that plague my soul

I've got to get a job

Or I'll be thrown out on the street

Trying to find my feet

Worrying about where I'll be

A year from now

Hoping for a miracle

A sign from above

For my writing to take flight

And I'm starting to miss the friends

I used to have

The ones that cared and now are gone

Scattered like grains of sand

Lost on the wind of time

Leaving me alone

So cold and afraid

For the first time scared

Of what's next to come...

Sometimes I feel like screaming

Sometimes crying, sometimes dying

And sometimes I doubt my parents will give me the boot

But they've done so much other fked up shit

My mother

Who was never really there

To protect me from life

My father

The dirty fk who molested me

And ran off when I was young

And then my step-dad

Who I would do anything in the world for

To prove myself worthy

But he never really wanted me

I've been trying for so many years

Just to hear him say four little words

'I'm proud of you'

And his two kids

Who he hasn't seen in over 15 years

Walked back into his life

So he shoves me aside

But they don't see the truth

Because he doesn't tell them or show them

They weren't here when he used to beat mom

When he gave her a semi-concussion

They weren't around to see him emotionally abuse me or my sister

I love him and I hate him

He's the only dad I have left

But that's my fked up life

And the people who shove me around

That call me a pussy and a bitch

I just laugh in their faces

Because they really don't know...

What true pain is