Ambient Noise CD Commercial

Infomercial-esque music plays, and a very seedy looking man with way too many white, bright teeth is behind a glittering tabletop full of what looks like CDs. He smiles obnoxiously and has a very annoyingly garish neon orange suit.

FRANK: Hello, hello, it's that time again! Time to buy something new! Time to buy some presents for your friends, a birthday, an anniversary, a death! And here is what you'll want to buy--Ambient Noise, the newest CD from the record label Gyp, who brought to you the popular Whispering Songs CD and Let's Remember the 1870s!

The camera zooms in on the CD, and a scroll of song titles come down the screen.

FRANK: Ever feel you don't have the right mood for something? Let's say dinner is too quiet? Try Track 8, "Tinkling Forks and Clattering Plates." What about if you have an annoying visitor coming to call? Simply play No. 3--"Noisy Kids and Barking Dogs," and pretend you can't see them at the moment!

The scene changes to reveal a housewife holding a box of chocolates and a magazine, looking a but guilty as she sets them down near her TV. She peeks into the other room, where her husband is doing paperwork at a table.

LADY: Sorry honey, if you need me, I'll be cleaning!

MAN: Right, dear, I shan't disturb you.

The woman tiptoes back to the living room, and places Ambient Noise in her stereo system. A blare of vacuuming starts up, with also the sound of footsteps, humming, and the thunks and scrapes of furniture being moved about. She sighs happily, takes the magazine and chocolate to the couch, sits down and begins reading.

Then the scene turns to a skinny, mousy-haired kid sitting out in the garden, looking tired and hot. He grabs a book and tries to sneak back inside, but a very austere looking father points back out, and throws him a ball and a Frisbee.

DAD: Out!

The kid glares at his dad, and pushes his very large glasses back up his face. As soon as the dad goes back inside the house, the kid grabs a small boom box and slips Ambient Noise into the slot. Immediately, the sounds of kids running and playing, along with the occasional scream or cry of injury, float through the summer breeze. The kid smiles happily as he lays down on a hammock, reading his book.

It cuts back to Frank, who smiles even wider.

FRANK: There you have it folks, this CD is for everyone! Buy one now, for your best buddy, your girlfriend, baby brother, great-aunt, mother-in-law, local foreign exchange student--everybody! There's absolutely no reason not to get one! In fact, if you act now, we'll throw in a box of baking soda, absolutely free!

A beautiful lady in a spangled Vegas-style dress complete with feathers and glitter appears and models the CD with her highly manicured hands.

FRANK: This offer only lasts for the next thirty seconds, so act now and get an extra bonus version of the CD in Japanese, complete with our original popular hit, Track 1--Total Silence!

THE END