I'm sorry I couldn't let go for you
and unleash everything at once
I'm sorry I held back and remained restrained
I know I promised something better than
what happened
but the part you don't know is that
you aren't him
and with the lights still bright and open,
the lack of weight
and the difference of touch
my closed eyes would still see
the knowing skin would still feel
Despite the longing of the body
it could not overpower
the longings of the soul
the longings of the heart
I know now that my hesitation
was not because of you
as anyone could have been in your place
and still I would not let go
because don't you see
no matter how hard I try
I could not ignore
the absence of him
and the presence of you.