"Hell found me."
"What did?" he asked, quite puzzled by my response.
"Hell found me, broken in tiny pieces. I was a shattered fragment of what I used to be."
With aged hands, he scribbled my words and paused, looking at me to continue.
"How? How did hell find you?"
"It was so cold. My world was crumbling, and as I lay on that floor, I didn't know what to do. He would leave me after he hurt me. He would open me like a peach, leaving his mark behind for me to remember. And I couldn't do anything to stop it."
"But it was so cold, especially that night. The floor was the only thing that kept me stable, kept me alive, made me feel real. But it was so cold." I hugged myself tighter as I rocked myself back and forth to help me cope with the pain. I could still feel his hands around my neck and the pain inside hurt even more. Because I loved him.
"Because I loved him," I whispered, a smile crept upon my pink lips. "Heh, you want to know something funny? I loved him. I believed him. But that changed."
"Lily, how did hell find you?" he asked again, this time with a little more force.
My eyes shot up from the ground and stared at his face. Deep wrinkles were embedded in his skin from years past, a small pair of slanted green eyes peered through brown rimmed bifocals resting upon his wide nose. The white beard stared at me like winters snow. Tears rimmed my eyes. Snow…it was red snow. Red, like hells fire.
"It was cold, rain poured that night. I know because I can still hear it beat against the white French Ann windows in the study. So many books, but they all started to fall. They toppled over, their pages opening wide to me, taunting me with their words. And suddenly… it wasn't cold anymore. Everything was red, but I wasn't cold. Something wrapped around me, like… like a blanket. I was sprawled upon the floor, blood running from my open wounds. I couldn't move, but suddenly I felt compelled to."
"You felt compelled?"
"Yes. Slowly I opened my eyes and I could see clearly for the first time. I could hear him; his sweet voice caught my breath. I was suspended in bliss as I listened to him. He told me, oh! He told me such wonderful things. He promised me an eternity of happiness. All I had to do was listen to his instructions."
"What instructions did he give you?"
My smiled widened, a frightened look crossed his face, but quickly dispersed as he saw my hands trembling. I clutched the fabric of the poorly spun shirt. I felt it twist with my sweaty grasp, its rough texture thickened with heat, scratching at my skin.
"Oh! His words were so soft, so warm. And his touch was deadly and sinful, but it felt so…right. It felt so right and so….blissful. From then on I was at his mercy, but it was kind. With his guidance I could enjoy the freedom I so longed for."
"He took me by the hand…gently walking beside me with one arm wrapped around my waist, he led me to the kitchen and opened the doors to a new light…a new life! I found all my answers in that single blade of silver. That blade which had tormented me for so long, that had cut my own flesh, gave me the strength to take my freedom. He whispered once more in my ear, before leaving me with his final kiss. His kiss sent fire into my heart. I could hear the blood pounding through my veins; it drummed in my head as I climbed the spiraling stairs to the bedroom, where I knew he was….with that whore of his. Thunder sounded and lightening crashed, shaking the large house with its force. My heart raced as my hand reached for the door. I could hear them making love. I waited…waited until they were weak from fucking each other. Finally I opened the door and there they were, panting atop one another, like dogs in heat. It disgusted me."
I started to laugh, a bone chilling cry that startled the man before me with his pens and his files. My hands clasped the dark brown hair that grew shaggy each day, twisting it around and around until it grew taut on my scalp. My eyes shifted uneasily as my laugh faded.
"Their cries fell upon deaf ears because all I could hear were his sweet words. It felt so good to give him what he had done to me for years with that knife. And her too. I was loyal to him for five years and she thought she could just come in and take his love away from ME! No way in hell would I let that happen…"
I began to laugh again, and hard, so hard that without even realizing it I reached for him, to share my pain. Without another thought the men in white rushed into the office, and grabbed me. I struggled to free myself; I hated to be held like that, like the way he used to hold me. Tearing of flesh resounded, and the smell of blood filled my senses as I bit into them with what power I had.
They struggled with me until they finally caught my hands and slipped me into the jacket and fastened me until I was snuggled in. Holding my arms, one of the nurses jabbed my flesh with the cold prick of the needle. The warm liquid flowed into me like water. The men in white placed me against the soft walls of my cell and as they shut the door I smiled, my blue eyes glittered in the darkened room. It grew warm and soon his voice came to me. He was pleased. He stretched out his hand and pulled me close to him.
This was how hell found me.