Chapter 1

Curiosity

Sunday, May 19th, 2002

Am I crazy? I keep thinking of different boys and going "do I have a crush on them or do they have a crush on me?" Like Orie. He's usually annoying but lately he's seemed nice. And Joe. He's smart, funny, and he likes to talk to me. I wonder sometimes. Is there a boy out there who likes me? But he's too shy to show himself? Will he show him self at the school dance? Is Austin a boy I like or I think I like. Does he like me? or does he like becca. I think I do like Austin. Yes, I do. I wonder if I'll ever like anybody besides Austin. I'll never stop saying things like that in this journal, until I find out. There are so many things about boys I don't understand! I'll hopefully find it all out one day.

Thursday, June 13th, 2002

I can't believe that the school year is over. A lot of things are over. But what's really troubeling me is Austin. I got Nicole to ask him to sign my yearbook and he did! But my problem is he's going to highschool. I won't see him for at least a year. I don't know if he'll remember me! I hope he will. I'm still gonna miss him. I'll get a crush on another boy next year. I hope someone else will ask me to dance. I feel like such a little nobody sometimes. Someone no one knows, and they all think I'm really quiet and care only about school work. Maybe Joe will ask me. Who knows! He might like me. He is good at Spanish and he knows I am. Oh well, we'll see.

Monday, January 27th, 2003

Life was going too fast, every day was like the other, I never knew if I liked anyone or not. Then, it changed. Though ever day seems the same, I enjoy it. And now I know that I Love someone. I know I love cory. I realized the second time he was wearing all blue. Now every time I see someone in a blue sweatshirt my heart jumps. That first day I felt like a pink fluffy cloud. All cool and fluffy. I was trembeling, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. Even now I have trouble getting him off my mind. But why should I? After school I was trying to say to Maya that I was looking for Nicole, but I said Cory. I wonder if he likes me at all, cause we talk sometimes during History and I've caught him looking at me a few times. Of course I can't stop looking at him. It's cory that's really changed how I feel about everything.

Wednesday, January 29th, 2003

I wish that somehow cory and I could just talk about eachother. I sometimes imagine us dancing at the school dance, revealing our true feelings for eachother. It'll probably never happen. How I wish I had more chances to talk to him. I want to become real friends with him. Find out if he has an email address. I asked him if he had first lunch or second, and he said first. I told him I had 2nd and he said "that sucks." Does he like me? Was he trying to tell me that he wishes we could have lunch together? Or am I imagining things.

Sunday, May 11th, 2003

Where to start? My love life has been chaos, and so many other things have happened.

My big question 3 months ago was: Does Corey like me? Eventually I made up my mind to ask him out, almost chickened out, but did it anyhow. Things didn't quite work out the way I planned them to. He said that he didn't think he was ready for that yet, and he had never done it before. Then he said, "Maybe next year." I realized why people cry when they've been dumped. And so I waited for three months, and then I realized that Corey was over, and I needed to move on. Corey wouldn't just go away. I had to try and forget him. I tried doing that, and immediately somebody else popped up. Someone I had been considering in the back of my head for a long time. John. Yesterday it just clicked. I was thinking about him a lot after that. I felt different. I did things in a different way. I think for now, my boy problem is solved.

Thursday, May 15th, 2003

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!

JOHN ASKED ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!