He stands silhouetted in the mouth of the courtyard behind the flats, feet braced against the cobbles. It is raining, and the rain pelts down in sheets, smudging the urban landscape into a towering greyscale. His hair is sluiced to his face, rain streaming from his nose and chin, beading on his lashes. He is wearing a leather jacket and the black material glints like diamonds under sheen of raindrops, although the front hangs open to reveal a bare chest, tanned, a light papering of muscle over bones. He is laughing, silently in the driving noise of the downpour, and in his hand is a gun.
Infront of the laughing figure stands Fern, shoulders heaving with the effort of the breaths he draws, frozen, eyes fixed on the man before him.
"Kal…What...? Please…Please Kal… don't…please…" His voice chatters and breaks and his chest convulses in an involuntary shiver. The man called Kal lets his eyes slide down to observe this sign of fear, before settling once again on Fern.
"Don't? Give me a reason why I shouldn't. One reason." His voice is shaking but grimly determined, and his bright green eyes glitter with some insane conviction. He is grinning, although there is no warmth to the emotion. Fern takes a gasping breath, licking rainwater from his parted lips, taking a step towards Kal
"Please… you'd be wasting your life…Kal?" Repeating a name like a tie, binding them together, the ghosts of memories. Kal throws back his head and laughs at that, a gasping choking bitter sound audible even over the drumming of the rain.
"My life? What life is that? Tell me that! What do you suggest I do with my life!" He spits the words, laughter erased, "At least I can choose. At least I can have some dignity." He cant seem to stop himself and a coughing laugh bursts from him, eyes wild.
"You think this is dignity?!" Fern shouts, a flicker of anger swamped by fear. "Kal… come on… please… please don't do this. I don't want you to die." His pleading voice is trampled by Kal's,
"Oh, don't you? Why? Tell me why, Fern!" A harsh challenge, anger and the bitter taste of begging, pleading justification.
Fern looks down, closer now, taking another step towards, eyes flickering back up to meet Kal's.
"Because you're my friend Kal. You know that." His voice holds a quiet conviction that cannot completely override the desperation sketched by his raised hand, reaching towards the man before him.
Kal spares the gesture a glance, lingering, before gliding his gaze up Ferns body to once more smile at his eyes.
"Your friend? Yes, I know." He bites his lip hard enough to draw blood but a hiccupping ugly noise still breaks forth, "Perhaps we'll meet again in another life then," and his voice breaks harshly on the last word, sucking in a breath.
Fern's hand flies to his mouth, eyes closing momentarily, outrage as the hand falls to his side
"Kal-" he starts in some protest, to have the breath forced from him as Kal violently pulls him forward and their mouths collide in a rough, invasive kiss. As Kal's grip falls from him he staggers away, hand over his bleeding lip, shock a pattern on stunned features.
Kal stares at him for a long instant, a masquerade of emotions fleeting across his face, disbelief, affection, amusement, fear. Then takes a step backwards, offers a violent smile towards the man staring at him, inclining his head gravely.
Someone starts to scream and Fern realises it is him, he is lunging forward, skidding and falling and there is the racketing echo of a gunshot, another and another, pounding and then Fern's body hits the floor.
-------------------------------------------
His eyes jerk open and he gasps in a sudden breath, eyes skittering around his apartment, the unreal familiarity of it. It's the same as it always was, the same as it was when he went to bed, the same as when he went to sleep. Darkness adds extra shadows, but the bruised navy sky outside the tall window is cloudless and clear. The duvet is tangled around his legs and he feels bruises along his body from hitting the wooden floor. He is sprawled in an uncoordinated heap beside his newly empty bed, safe in his apartment, gasping for breath.
When the banging comes again he jumps, propelling himself hard against the side of the bed before his half awake mind registers it as not a gunshot. No, it is the door, someone is banging on the door. Fern lets his head drop forwards, brown hair falling in ribbons around his face, rubbing a slender hand across his face, pressing a fist against his eyes before focussing unclearly on the digital clock on the table beside him. Dancing red neon numerals read 4.17 am. When the banging resumes he almost remembers not to jump. Suspended in a hazy state of exhaustion he pushes himself to his feet, shoving blindly at the duvet until it falls away from him, making slow progress towards the door, across the single open plan room of his apartment, stumbling on a chair leg before he reaches the door. Fumbling for the keys, he opens it on the chain and the sickly orange light from the hallway spreads intrusive fingers across the threshold. Some half formed notion of the police or some distraught neighbour disintegrate upon seeing the figure lounging insolently against the doorframe, head tilted so his eyes can see through the gap between them. Fern blinks in horrified recognition and his voice comes out roughly
"Kal!" Before he takes a belatedly surprised breath "You fucking arsehole! What the fuck do you think your doing?" A ragged shout, straightening in indignation, glaring. Kal's face frowns, chiding
"Hush, keep your voice down. You want your neighbours to call the police?" A soft whisper that carries into the darkness. Fern continues to glare, but modulates his voice to a irregular rumble.
"Do you know what time it is? What the hell are you doing here Kal?" His heart is beating loud enough to pound a bass throughout the entire apartments, and for some reason he can't seem to catch his breath. He makes an effort to push the smoky memories of his nightmare away.
"No, I think it's about 4 isn't it? I'm…I just thought I'd pop by… say hi!" He bares white teeth in a smile, hauntingly reminiscent of Fern's dream, and the contrast of the dancing shadows on his face make it surreal. Fern stands stunned for a moment, struggling to find words,
"We haven't seen each other for four years!" He finally hisses, outraged. Kal shrugs loosely,
"I'm here now." He offers, green eyes meeting Fern's, holding his gaze in a moment of silence that the man cannot deny.
Suddenly Fern feels an explosion of anger, indignation and outrage
"Well come back in the fucking morning!" He spits furiously and slams the door, spinning the key around, before halting, glaring at the door, gaze sparking. There is a bump from the other side and the sound of Kal settling against the doorframe and sliding slowly downwards. Fern runs a hand through his tousled hair before offering another glare at the offending door and turning away, blinking in the darkness, to make his way back to his bed. He is poised, waiting for more banging on the door but no sound comes from the other side of the room and he falls onto his bed, dragging the duvet across his body, shivering at its coolness.
He lays on his back, staring up at the ceiling. It is too dark to see the spider cracks in the plaster, but he traces them from memory. He blinks and sighs, making an effort to press his eyes closed and slow his breathing from the ragged pant it had become. Slowly, a buzzing intrudes on his carefully constructed silence, winding inside his head until it echoes.
A few syrupy minutes drip by before it is cut off and Fern lets out a pent breath, settling into the warm, undisturbed silence. There is the dulled sound of hasty footsteps from the other side of the door and a sudden thump. The buzzing starts again. Fern presses his teeth together in frustration, the sudden flicker of disorientation upon finding his mouth free of blood a momentary confusion. The sequence of buzzing, silence and footsteps repeats itself at intervals over nearly half an hour before Fern blinks into the silence and pushes himself upright. The duvet falls from his bare chest to let in the cool night air and he hisses frustration and realisation into the darkness. Footsteps and the thump repeat and the buzz of the light resumes for another few minutes before its timer runs out and Kal stands to push it on again. The slow ember of anger begins to stir in Fern, wondering why the man cant just leave and stop annoying the whole house, before the spark dies inside of him in a cold wash of memory. He jumps out of bed and pads quickly across the floor to the door, turning the key and sliding the chain off before opening the door wide. The light blinds him, and as his eyes adjust he sees Kal crouched across from him on the other side of the corridor, back against the wall, sat underneath the light switch, fixing him with a curious stare. Tiredness has made bruises beneath his eyes and his hair falls in ragged disarray around worn features. He blinks and Fern looks uncertainly at a point past his shoulder.
"You can come inside. If you want?" Offered Fern in a small voice. Kal stared up at him, looking tiredly confused
"What made you change your mind?" He asked, with an exhausted frown. Fern sighed out a smile, hesitated, and then turned to hold the door wide.
"You coming in or not?" He quizzed gently with a raised eyebrow. Kal gave him a wan smile and pushed himself to his feet, reaching carefully down to pick up a tattered khaki shoulder bag before stepping inside the door. As he passed he door, the man started
"I just remembered- I thought-" But as Kal turned towards him, inside, his words trailed off into a shake of his head as he turned to close and chain the door once more. Kal's voice was warm behind him, soft with amusement
"That I still hated being in the dark?" Fern flushed, opening his mouth to object, but Kal spoke over him fondly
"Well I do, so thanks. I wasn't looking forward to having to keep that light on all night." The dark haired man grinned ferally and Fern let out a breath, smiling. He flicked on lights and sauntered over to the row of sideboards against one wall, turning on the kettle.
"I'm surprised you remembered that." Commented Kal quietly under the growl of the kettle and Fern turned to receive an unreadable look before the moment broke. "You got any decent coffee then?"
A few minutes later coffee had been served and they were both ensconced merrily on the sofa – Fern having shrugged on a pair of jeans over his boxers.
"So how did you get here?" He quizzed, pulling his legs onto the sofa beside him to curl up in the dim light.
"I took a train from Bath and got a taxi to drop me at the end of the road from the station. I followed the streetlights till I found your number." He gave a tiredly triumphant smile, hands tangled round his steaming mug, slurping gratefully as Fern stared at him disbelieving.
"My number? If I remember the last time I wrote to you with my address was over 3 years ago! All the way from Bath and I could have moved or been out! Didn't you think to ring?" He exclaimed, earning a laugh from Kal
"Nah, don't have your number. Didn't think to look it up I guess." He shrugged but showed no remorse, fighting to hide a smile under the rim of his mug from Fern's disapproving stare.
"What would you have done if I wasn't here? If I hadn't let you in?" He challenged, looking slightly dismayed at Kal's flippancy. Kal only grinned confidently at him
"I knew you would. We've been friends too long." He met Fern's hazel eyes with a frank green stare, demanding, and Fern was forced to smile around the wry glare nestling under his cascade of brown curls. He shivered suddenly, curling tighter in the corner of the sofa
"Oh, you cold? I'm sorry, keeping you talking!" Kal looked overly concerned and Fern shot him an amused look
"No, I'm just really tired. I'm gonna be totally zoned out at work tomorrow!" He chided, standing and rubbing his arms to get rid of the chill. "I'll get you some blankets – if you don't mind sleeping on the sofa?" Kal laughed, shaking his head.
"That's great, cheers. Where do you work then?" Fern disappeared into the walk-in wardrobe for a second, coming out holding a blanket and leaning to tow another and its accompanying pillow off his own bed.
"Starbucks, the little one at this end of town." He muttered wryly and Kal coughed surprise, thanking him as he took the blankets. There was a pause for a moment, Kal looking up at Fern. Finally he offered a smile, looking aside
"Fern, thanks…" He almost whispers, warmly
"No worries!" Fern insists briskly, before hastily covering a yawn. They both laugh and Fern turns away, hitting the switch for the main light but leaving a side lamp on.
"Night," He mutters, pulling off his jeans and climbing back into bed.
"Night." Responds the silhouette on the sofa, "Sweet dreams."
Fern smiles and wraps the duvet around himself, peacefully asleep within minutes.