Dancing Solo

Chapter One: Pain of the Heart

"She said yes!"

His caramel orbs are dancing with ecstasy. The smile on his face is too bright for me, too cheerful. He'll be wearing it all day and the next.

She said yes…

Yes.

Those three words have ruined my day. I can't believe the way he's so infatuated with her. She's a fake. She's a whore and a bitch. And he likes her. Not me.

"Congrats," I manage. I don't understand why the air in my lungs has suddenly dissipated. I don't understand why it feels as though I've been blasted through the chest by a shotgun. I can hear my heart beating through my ears. Why can't I breathe? Why does my chest feel so heavy all of a sudden?

Rage, pain, and jealousy. It's all that I can feel.

Because I love him.

Because he can't see me. And the tears in my eyes want to fall, and I don't know if I can hold them back.

"She's gorgeous, smart, and sweet. I can't believe she said yes. Do you think she'll like what I've planned for Saturday? What if she doesn't like Pagan? Maybe we should just go see a movie… Or I could take her somewhere else. Where should I take her?"

I blink.

Once.

Twice.

We were supposed to go to the Pagan concert. How could he forget so easily? It was his favorite band. He called me up at two in the morning telling me we were going to the show (he'd found out they were coming only seconds before my phone started ringing up a storm).

"She said yes, chill out. I'm sure she'll have one hell of a fucking time at the show with you."

"Are you okay?" The concern in his voice makes we want to laugh. Hard.This all makes me sick. Can't he see how much he affects me? Doesn't he remember that we were supposed to go see them together?

'No I'm not oh-fucking-kay!'

Really I'm not.

Unless feeling as though your heart's about to burst into a million pieces is okay. Unless the barrier that's suddenly formed in my throat is normal and forgetting how to breathe is a frequent human habit.

"Yea," I smile. I'm such a fake. Look at me! Smiling when my heart's breaking and bleeding on the spot. I rub my eyes, trying to will the tears away, but it's of no use. "I'm tired. I need to sleep. Skip."

Tired… sleep. Lie #2.

"I'd skip and drive you…" he begins.

I look up at him with disappointment evident in my eyes. We always skip together. We do everything together. Until lately. Before his obsession became Nicole Neaman.

Nicole. I can see her now in all her Abercrombie glory gracing the halls. Flipping her hideous blond hair and batting her lashes. Too bad she wasn't an airhead. No. Instead she just had to be fucking smart. Blond with brains.

Shoot me.

"… but see Nikki's car is in the shop. Something about her transmission, so I offered to give her a ride." His eyes light up at the very thought of her.

My heart trips.

Stumbles.

Crashes…

… and breaks.

"Nikki?" I manage to squeak, confusion marring my features.

"Nicole," he laughs. I knew he meant Nicole. It was the fact that he gave me rides after school; Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Today was Tuesday. Did he really expect me to ride in the car with them? I don't think I could handle it. And then something hit me.

Something so much worse. I could break into tears right now. Cry my bloody eyes out until my insides dried… and then withered away into nothing.

That would be so much better than feeling so hurt. This pain in my chest so unbearable. No It wasn't pain, it was… agony.

Because he forgot.

About the ride.

About me.

"I have to go." And I did. Because any moment now the dam that held back my unshed tears would collapse and all hell would break loose.

"Promise you'll call me?" he calls out to my retreating form.

'Sean!'

"I will."

Lie #3. I am a fake. Sighing, I swing my bag over my shoulder and shut my locker. I should at least wave, say bye…

'Sean!'

He doesn't see me though. His back is facing me and his attention is focused entirely on one girl. He only has eyes for that one girl. And that girl isn't me, nor will it ever be. He's completely taken by Nicole Neaman, and I'll always be his best friend.

Nothing more, nothing less.

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Disclaimer: I own my characters and plot. Steal them or pass my work off as yours and I'll be seeing you in court. Additionally, the band –Pagan- is purely fictional.

Reviews are much appreciated. Such favors will be returned.

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TBC