Does nobody else see her? That other girl. Can they not see what she does to me? It's almost like that movie, Norma Jean & Marilyn, staring Ashley Judd and Mira Sorvino. I wonder who she is and who I am. Which one's Norma Jean and which one's Marilyn? I think I'm Marilyn, the happy crowd face. That must make her Norma Jean.
But I'm not mad at her because of that. I want to hate her but I want to love her. That's all she wants. She dreams, she loves, she tries, but no one loves her. No one sees her but me.
How come they see me – the bright, intelligent, talented, adventurous and flibbertigibbet girl – all they could possibly want and yet not see her! – tired, crying, terrorized, hiding in the dark corner with only red blood tears. She's human! She's a person! She's just a little girl! Why don't they see her? Why don't they help her!
"Do this!" she says. "Don't do that!" she cries. "You're so fat!" she points. Nobody loves you!" she taunts. "It's all your fault!" she turns me into her until I'm crouching and clutching that blade…
"You have to pay. You have to bleed." she whispers. "It's too late. Everybody hates you." she echoes. Then it's done and just as she's fading and I think she's finally gone…
"You're fucking CRAZY!" she screams! Running her fingernails down my face! She never, ever goes away.
I want to hate her but I want to love her. She just wants to be heard. She just wants to be loved. She just wants to be understood.
I want to hate her, need to destroy her, but I want to love her, need to help her.
Because she is me and I am her.