Hot Chick #1 (Angie):
Hot Chick #2 (Lola):
Hot Chick #3 (Monique):
Biker Girl #1 (Raven):
Biker Girl #2 (Thorne):
Biker Girl #3 (Rain):
Biker Girl #4 (Aurora):
Biker Girl #5 (Lydia):
Biker Guy #1 (Crusher):
Biker Guy #2 (Sledgehammer):
Biker Guy #3 (Crowbar):
Biker Guy #4 (Brick):
Biker Guy #5 (Billy Club):
Scene 1—The Plan
The two Thompson brothers already have their things ready for their trip and have been doing extensive research (actually it's Gabe who has been doing the research, Gary is more interested in hot chicks.) on America's Oddities. From their homeland somewhere in the Midwest to document what they encounter.
Gary, is a virgin just like his brother. Unlike Gabriel, who is in the pursuit of knowledge, Gary is in pursuit of a roll in the hay.
Gabriel: (narrating while writing in laptop) Day 1, have all things together. Getting ready for road trip. Have plenty to eat, and plenty of soda. Brother has only one thing on his mind. Calls our rig the "Love Machine". Man, I wish he would get a life ! Why was I the only one in the family wanting to enlighten myself and put my knowledge to good use ?
Gary: (wolfing down cheese puffs, slurping down a soda) BURP ! (satisfied sigh, throws himself on the couch, props his feet up, turns on the TV and watches whatever is on) Aw, yeah. This is the life. (pauses) Are we about ready to rock n' roll ?
Gabriel: (rolls eyes) Alright ! Alright ! Yeah, of course we're ready. Since we're closest to Signal Mountain, we'll make our stop there first. But, remember the rules !
Gary: (rolls eyes) Yeah, yeah, yeah. All educational. No fooling around.
I get it ! You really don't have any sense of adventure. I mean, after all I'm a young, healthy (in hushed tone) not to mention handsome (regular tone) man.
Gabriel: (groans) (thinking) God certainly does have a twisted sense of humor. Only He would pair me with such a weird sibling.
Gary: Well, aren't we going ? We ain't got all day, grandma !
Gabriel: Shut up, Gary, I'm going ! (slams foot on gas)
(Heavy Metal music plays over the radio and the title, National in patriotic colors and Trailer shaped like a trailer appears)
Scene 2—Road Trip !An entire map of the United States is seen as the brothers' route is traced. They make their first stop at Signal Mountain in Tennessee. A picture of the two brothers is taken by another tourist. Gary makes bunny ears behind his brother's back. Pictures from Kentucky, Minnesota, Indiana, and Pennsylvania start coming in at almost break-neck speed. These photographs are of strange buildings and places the brothers come across. Every so often, Gary is sidetracked by a beautiful woman, doesn't matter what color, race, or creed. Pretty soon, they come upon a dime store with oddities to the hilt. Three very, very hot women at a gas station greet them where they have stopped to fill up.
Gabriel: (paying more attention with filling up the van) What's up, Gary ? It's not like you to stutter. (Gary tugs at Gabriel's shirt and turns jerks his face towards the beautiful women)
Gary: LOOK !
The three women, Angie, Lola and Monique approach them.
Angie: Mmm, do you two come here often ?
Gary: (chuckles, slicking back his hair) No, but I'd better start !
(The ladies laugh)
Lola: You're funny ! Are you two brothers ?
Gabriel: (simply says nothing, jaw agape)
Gary: (rolls eyes, shaking his head left to right) Gabe, he's shy. I'm Gary.
Who're you three visions of loveliness ?
Angie: I'm Angie.
Gary: (in his mind, singing) Angie…An-gie…
Lola: I'm Lola.
Gary: (in his mind, singing) Lola ! La, la, la, la, Lola !
Monique: And I'm Monique.
Gary: (in his mind, singing) Monique, cest chic !
Gabriel: (Whispers in Gary's ear) Gar, we can't afford to be sidetracked.
Gary: Gabe, you really are a nerd. Can't I at least get their numbers ?
Gabriel: (sharply) No ! We're already off schedule.
Gary: (getting annoyed) You and your schedules. Why can't you at least live for once ! It's no wonder you don't score any chicks.
Gabriel: Oh, look who's talking !
Angie: Listen, it's been nice to meet you.
Lola: We've gotta jet.
Monique: Besides, our parents will be worried about us.
The brothers look at one another with mouths agape, dumbfounded.
Gary: (whispering) Forget what I said earlier. I may love the ladies, but I don't have a Lolita complex !
Angie: (inquisitively) What did he say ?
Gabriel: (slightly nervously) He said it was a blast but we've got a trail to blaze.
The girls laugh and then return to their parents' minivan. The brothers still seem very stumped by the fact that they were hit on by girls young enough to be their daughters and are creeped out by it. Shuddering, they return to the van and Gabriel returns to his laptop…
Gabriel: (narrating) Day 24. Am back on the road once more. Thus far I have spent several consecutive days on the road with Gary. It's nothing new, really…Except for the constant traveling and Gary is more irritating that usual. My brother has a yen for chasing women. Sadly, he has yet to "score". (shudders) Anyhow, we are back on track after stocking up on supplies, gas and of course, sleep. We made a recent stop to a dime curiosity shop. Gary and I took a lot of pictures and I found it interesting that we human beings are so curious about the unknown. At least I know I am documenting this for posterity. Should anyone wonder what human beings were like so many years ago from the future, perhaps they will find my discarded laptop and…
Gary: (annoyed, trying to sleep) Gabe, will you please stop typing ! I'm trying to sleep !
Gabriel: (finishing up journal entry) That is all for now. Will continue documentation tomorrow. Plan on stopping to see more strange structures and the like soon. (saves document, turns off laptop, goes to his room in the van and goes to sleep)
Scene 3—Knee Deep in Trouble
Gabriel and Gary have made their next stop at the Duck House in Suffolk, NJ.
Here, they are feeling a little hungry and stop at a bar nearby before moving on to the next oddity. Inside the bar are a group of sultry biker chicks. Of course, Gary finds himself in paradise here. Gabriel doesn't feel very comfortable but is attracted to one of the more "quiet" women, named Raven.
Gary: (is out dancing with the biker girls) Yeah ! Shake what your mamma gave ya !
Gabriel: (muttering) I don't know him, nor am I related to him.
Raven: (sits next to him) Not the partying type, huh ?
Gabriel: Oh, not really, GAH ! (is surprised to see a lady in leather next to him) Sorry, for a moment I thought Gary had joined me. No offense.
Raven: (chuckles) None taken. My voice is a little low, I get that a lot from guys. (pauses) So, where are you headed ?
Gabriel: Wherever the next American oddity is located. We've been to almost all of the 50 states. We have yet to visit Alaska and Hawaii. We'll have to book a flight for those destinations sometime.
Raven: Sounds exciting. (curious) What's that ?
Gabriel: (putting some recent photographs in a scrapbook) Oh, that's just a scrapbook of photos I recently took. See, here's Gary and I at the Shoe House in Hallam, Pennsylvania. Here's Wonderworks in Orlando. Of course, we have pictures of odds and ends from different dime store curiosities nation wide.
Most people don't even care about this sort of thing, but I find it fascinating how much history is behind these places, and those responsible for them.
You meet an awful lot of interesting folks when you search for the unusual.
Raven: I can imagine. (chuckle) Hey, would you care if I bought us a drink ?
Gabriel: As long as it's a pina colada, I'm cool.
Raven: Righteous. Those are my favorite. (she calls over the barhop and they share a drink together) I hope you can share your findings with the world.
Gabriel: (clinks glass with hers) I intend to once this journey is through.
Raven: Here, here ! (both drink at the same time) By the way, I didn't catch your name. I'm Raven.
Gabriel: Just call me Gabe, Raven. It's a pleasure to meet you. (takes another sip) I'm famished though. Barhop, could I see a menu ?
Bud: Sure, pal. Here. (gives him a menu)
Gabriel: Alright. I'll take the double cheeseburger with the works. That'll be all.
Bud: Ok. Hey, guys…We've got a #4 order with the works, no fries, no salad.
Cooks in the back: (at different times) Gotcha, Bud ! We're on it ! Coming up ! (pretty soon, Bud hands Gabriel his burger and he begins to devour it)
Gabriel: Thanks ! (takes another sip and watches Gary dancing with the other women)
Raven: (spits out her drink)
Some loud stomping stops the jukebox from playing.
Gabriel: Raven, are you ok ?
Raven: (choked up) (unable to say anything, points behind him)
Gabriel: What is it ?
Raven: (accentuated pointing)
Gabriel: (looks behind him) Holy frijoles, you are one tall dude.
Crowbar: (irritated) What, may I ask are you doing sitting next to my woman ?
Gabriel: Um, she sat next to me, Sir. It was no fault of hers.
Crowbar: (picks him up by the collar) You liar !
Gabriel: (nervously) I kid you not, Sir. I'm not lying.
Raven: (finally able to speak) He means it Crowbar. I struck up a conversation. I was just being friendly. He meant no harm, really.
(surrounded by other bikers) Nor did I. I was just dancing.
I didn't even lay a hand on any one of these girls.
Rain: (rolls eyes) Yeah, right. Gary here had his hand on my rear the whole time we were dancing.
Gary: (through gritted teeth) Rain, you little traitor !
Rain: (sinister grin) Heh, heh, heh.
Crusher: You little bastard ! (begins to throw a punch at him and accidentally hits another biker) Oh, man…Sledge ! I'm sorry.
Sledgehammer: (aggravated growl) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ! (punches him in return)
The two get into a fight.
Crowbar: (is diverted by the fight)
Gabriel is able to catch Gary's eyes and the two leave the bar without incident. Gabriel takes the wheel and hits the gas petal. Gary, not having his seatbelt on, is slammed back into his seat and begs his brother to slow down.
Gary: I'm starting to think maybe I should've left you back at the bar !
Gabriel: Shut up ! I'm saving your life. The least you could do is thank me !
Gary: Uh…(softly) Thanks.
Scene 4—Mission Complete
After enjoying a pleasant getaway in Hawaii, the brothers return to their home and their recreational vehicle. Gabriel has saved his scrapbook pictures on a CD and documented online with his journal. He has gotten a job offer and will be driving a company car. Gary, pleased for his brother, is a little saddened by this revolution.
Gary: (looking behind his shoulder) So, is it done ?
Gabriel: (a few more keystrokes on the keyboard) Yes, and now it is complete! It even plays Highway Star in the background. How cool is that ?
Gary: Nice choice, but never figured you liked classic rock.
Gabriel: I'm full of surprises, Bro.
Gary: (getting a little teary eyed) Things aren't going to be the same here without you around.
Gabriel: (turns around, facing him) I know, but you'll still see me around.
Besides, we're not just brothers. We're friends.
Gary: Stop getting all mushy on me !
Gabriel: If you think that's mushy, wait 'til you hear this. (pause)
I'm leaving you my laptop.
Gary: (is stunned at first) But…
Gabriel: (smiles widely) Don't worry; when I have enough money, I'm getting a new one. Besides, I will be writing email to you every day. I'll also call. If you need anyone, IM me online or give me a call.
Gary: (approaches him and hugs him) Thanks.
Gabriel: No matter how far away I'm going, we're family. Don't forget that.
Gary: I won't. (breaks the embrace) (clears throat) Well, you'd better be going. You don't want to be late for your first day on the job.
Gabriel: Of course not. Well, take care, Gary. I'm off. (smiles brightly and exits the RV, keys in hand, twirling them around) (narrating) Who would've thought I would've had tears in my eyes at the moment when I left my brother. Of course, I wasn't ashamed for having them. He was after all, my best friend in the entire world and leaving him was hard on me. But, I was able to dry my tears knowing that he would never be too far from me. My life was moving forward in a positive direction. My website is up and others are learning from it. Hopefully by my example others are getting out there and exploring the "unknown" parts of America and sharing more of that knowledge, trivial though it may be, with everyone I can. I feel in some small way, I am touching others lives and enriching them, and I truly feel that I am doing my life's work.
I'm not certain what the future will bring, but I am certain, whatever it is, my brother and I will be there for each other in this insane journey called life.
Gary is seen driving towards work, tapping his hands on the steering wheel in time to the music on the radio. This scene quickly fades and is replaced by all of the thousands of pictures where the brothers have been and an unexpected photograph of the fight at the bar appears as well. Bloopers and flubs will also be shown at the end of the film because I believe if you pay enough to see a great comedy, you should at least get your money's worth. The end theme, Passengers and Drivers, plays.
Passengers and drivers everywhere you go
I tend to be the driver drifting
Whichever the way the wind may blow
It's your life, your right to choose
Do whatever suits you
Reach above the skies of blue
Feather in the wind
Carefree, flying high
Nothing to hold me back
Sky's the limit, and beyond
No stoppin' the music, rock n' rollin' along
Some people call me a rebel
But I'm not afraid to show my heart
I see the world with different eyes
I'm definitely a man apart
Don't be afraid to shine
The world will understand in time
2X's until fade
By: Elizabeth Berndt
December 10, 2004