8

The Young and the Ignorant

Cast

Duchess Madison DuJour:

King Leon DuJour:

Queen Madeline DuJour:

Hans the Butler:

James the Butler:

Edith the Maid:

Prince Bryant Denise:

King Regis Denise:

Queen Linda Denise:

Alfred the Butler:

Joel Zeroni:

Hudson Dilworth:

Maurice Rathbone:

Patrick Johnson:

Eddy Butte:

Sienna Narcissus:

Raymond 0'Connor:

Jezzebell Greymalkin:

Narrator:

Moth and Flame (Theme Song)

Chorus

Moth and flame

Lacking a brain

Calling my name

You made me believe you

That was inane

But what else could I do ?

I'm the moth to your flame

Verse 1

Without a thought in my head

I fell head over feet for you

Now I wish I were dead

Because of the crazy things you do

But you don't seem to care

Even when I beg on my hands and knees

I realize your heart is bare

You're so hard to please !

Chorus

Verse 2

But it's all right baby

I'll find what I am looking for

The world is full of other ladies

I'll find one to adore

You can go on without me

But be wary of your trap

Your lies may be easy to believe

But no one likes to feel like crap

Chorus

Verse 3

I know you will be fine

Whatever you do in this life

But watch out for your own trip lines

Turning and twisting your knife

Chorus

3x's until fade

Scene 1—A Tale Need Be Told

Narrator: In the upper class city of Dover lives a family that has been used to living in the lap of luxury for years. They descend from a long line of royalty, but like Queen Elizabeth II, they only have the power to veto laws and not rule. That in itself is enough power in the mystical land of Serenity Falls. With such a name, you would presume that all is calm here, but such is not the case.

Backyard view of the DuJour's Mansion. Slowly pan in to the inside of the mansion where we can see the King and Queen are arguing about the choice of man that Madison has fallen in love with. She is opposed to their ruling in arranged marriage to a conceited, egotistical brat named Prince Bryant Denise.

Leon: (nearly pleading) But, Madison ! You know that Joel is nothing more than a peon !

Madeline: Not only that, but also…He is a rocker ! Can you imagine the scandal it would cause in the family if you married him ?

Madison: (defiantly, hands on her hips) I don't care ! I love Joel and he loves me for being myself ! Bryant doesn't love me; he just wants your money ! In fact, the only reasons the Denise family befriended us was for greed. They don't even like you. And, I have a feeling they would kill us all after the wedding if indeed we even lived to see that day occur !

Madeline: Now, now, now ! They would never do that.

Leon: You're delusional…You're far too paranoid. In time, I know you'll grow to love Bryant. He'll take exquisite care of you.

Madison: (mumbles) He'll make sure I'm exquisitely dead…

Madeline: Pardon ?

Madison: (nervous laugh) Oh, nothing.

Leon: Well, Love…We're off to the ranch to check on the horses.

Madeline: Your lunch is in the refrigerator and Hans has decided to take you to school today instead of James. James has the day off playing golf.

Madison: I don't mind. You know I am not picky about that sort of thing. Besides, even Butlers need breaks.

(They all laugh)

Leon and Madeline say their farewells to Madison, she gets her lunch and Hans takes her to school. By and by, she waits to put her plan into action of hearing her boyfriend's garage band "Faded Glory" playing on the other side of Dover known as Rocky Heights.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Joel's school is letting out for the day and Hudson, his best friend is following him home to practice a new song that Maurice wrote. Unbeknownst to any of them, there is a conniving witch named Jezzebelle who has been in love with Joel since his early years before he became a rocker.

Jezzebelle: (Watching the band members talking amongst each other) All I ask is that you notice me, Mr. Zeroni… But noooo. You had to have your sights set on some prep-school mascot ! That is about to change. I'm going to make your life a living hell ! (utters a curse and then fires it at him but hits Hudson) Oh, BLAST !

(Disappears)

Hudson: (shakes head left and right, staggers slightly)

Patrick: Are you all right, buddy ?

Hudson: Yes. For a moment, I was a little disoriented as if all the blood was rushing to my head.

Eddy: Thank heavens. (pauses) So, what are you going to do after practice ?

Hudson: Take Jennifer out to Chez Jean-Luke for her birthday.

Maurice: (nudges him playfully) Oooo, you sly dog you !

Hudson: (wriggles eyebrows) Don't I know it !

(All of them laugh and head to Joel's garage to practice…)

Scene 2—Admiring Fans: Madison Breaks Away to See Joel

Joel's garage…Faded Glory is singing one of Maurice's latest songs, "Faded Glory". There are some "fans" that have shown up and they are cheering wildly. Although there are more women than men here at this "concert", Madison is not worried, for she knows that Joel only has eyes for him.

While this song is played, have Joel and the guys just enjoy themselves, even warm up to the crowd and get them to dance too…

Faded Glory Theme

Verse 1

You know exactly who we are

When you hear the sound of my guitar

Excitement is in the air

We're rebels without a care

Chorus

We're Faded Glory

That's who we are

Faded Glory—new shining stars

We love our country

We especially love our fans

But most of all we love our land

Verse 2

Stand back, 'cuz there is a party goin' on

We know how to throw down

It may be a classic sound

But we'll get your feet on the ground !

Chorus

3x's until fade…

After the song is finished, they sign autographs and Madison tears Joel away from the crowd to a lake where they can be alone…But they are being watched in the background by the sly Jezzebelle !

Joel: (hugs her) I missed you, my love !

Madison: (hugs in response) I did too. I can't stand being around that arrogant Prince Bryant.

(they kiss)

Madison: (watch beeping) Darn !

Joel: What is it, crumpet ?

Madison: The schedule. I have to comply with it. We have a banquet tonight, and I really don't want to be any part of it.

Joel: Let me guess. It's because of your "suitor" isn't it ?

Madison: You guessed correctly, my dear. (pats his hand gently) And what's worse is, only rich people are invited so it's going to be a real snoozer. Even the Lady Greymalkin is coming. And you know what they say about her !

Joel: Boy, do I ever. She's over 30 and bitter with the world because men don't have the patience to put up with her terrible bouts of anger, rage and destruction.

Madison: (sighs) I really must go now, my Angel. (kisses him gently) You will be in my heart. Somehow, I will find a way for the two of us to be together. After all, we've been in love ever since I saw you at the Rocky Heights County Fair at such a tender age…

Joel: And I felt the same way… Fate will lead us back into each other's arms !

(rocks the boat too much and they both tip it over in the water)

(Joel and Madison swim to shore and she runs off stage to call a taxi to pick her up on the other end of Rocky Heights.)

Scene 3—Guess Who's Spoiling Dinner ?

Narrator: It would seem our lackluster plot is thickening. Will love save the day or will cruel fate have its way with our hero and heroine ? Oh ! (deadpan) I can't stand the suspense… It's just absolutely murder…Oh, shoot.

Slow tracking shot of the kitchen and Jezzebelle sprinkling some "pepper" (with a skull and crossbones on the label) into all of the food. She is laughing maniacally and singing a catchy ditty to the tune of "Mammy's Little Baby Loves Shorting Bread"…

Jezzebell: (insanely) Jezzie's gonna feed ya poisoning, poisoning

Jezzie's gonna feed ya poisoning in the stew

Jezzie's gonna feed ya poisoning, poisoning

You'll be checking out when you are through !

(She walks out of the kitchen and the guests are arriving…)

James: Are all preparations underway, madam ?

Jezzebelle: (with a devilish smirk on her face) Oh, I can assure you that they are, my good man.

James: Splendid !

Hans: (claps hands together) Wunderbar !

Edith: All that remains now is serving the dinner. I am famished !

Jezzebelle: (trying to stifle her mocking laughter)

Hans: Madam, is something amusing ?

Jezzebelle: Think nothing of it, Hans. I was just recalling a terribly hilarious comedy at the theatre I saw last Saturday called Arsenic and Old Lace.

(The three of them nod and smile)

Edith: You may join the others. We still have some preparations in the kitchen to do.

Jezzebelle: (nods, her smile is sardonic and twisted in irony) You go on then, dear.

(walking away to the great hall where the others are drinking champagne and laughing and then she murmurs) It'll be the last meal you ever eat !

Meanwhile…

Hudson: (On the phone) But, Jessica… No, lovely… No I didn't mean, but… Jessica hear me out ! (Click, dial tone) Aggggh ! (dials up Joel)

Joel: Zeroni residence, Joel speaking…

Hudson: You'll never guess what just happened to me, dude…

Joel: Man, you sound terrible. Oh… no….

Hudson: You guessed it. I'm a lone wolf now.

Joel: But, that's impossible. You and Jessica were like two peas in a pod, like milk and cereal…cheese and crackers…

Hudson: (flustered) I get the point ! (exasperated) What can I do to get her off of my mind ?

Joel: There's this swingin' club on the other edge of town where we usually play. We're not booked there tonight, but I hear there is this boss DJ will be mixing some dope tunes… But I can't go. I have a…(clears throat) dinner to attend to.

Hudson: Dude ! You didn't tell me about that !

Joel: It um, sort of came unexpectedly popped up at the last moment. (Stammers a little) But I am sure that if you call the other guys they'll go along.

Hudson: Ok, but it's not gonna be the same without you, dude.

Joel: I know. I have some business to attend to. You go ahead and enjoy yourself, ok ?

Hudson: Deal. Take care, dude.

Joel: Gotcha. Later ! (hangs up phone and is on his way, by car to Serenity Falls)

Narrator: (aside, not audible to actors but the audience) I've got a very bad feeling about all of this. If this melodrama ends the way I think it is going to end… Color me unemployed.

Scan to Dining Room and all are eating peacefully. The Denise family is discussing the matter of inheritance. The Prince seems rather bored by this conversation, but makes it look like he has some interest for the Duchess. Madison just rolls her eyes, and waits for her father to call attention to why they are here to begin with.

Leon: We come here to enjoy the marvelous dinner that our servants so meticulously prepared. I also offer a toast to my lovely daughter, to whom I owe my entire livelihood. Without her in our lives, we would be just another well-to-do couple living in obscurity.

All: (except Leon) Here, here !

(All clink glasses together and say "Cheers !" They begin to dine, but Madame Greymalkin isn't touching her food.)

Regis: Aren't you going to eat anything, Jezzie ?

Linda: He's quite right… You're never one to not lay a finger on your dinner !

Jezzebelle: (mutter) Crud ! (nervous laugh) I'm erm…um…On a diet ! That's it !

I'm on a diet, and I skip dinner now ! (facetious grin)

Alfred: (sadly) That is a real shame, Madam. I can clearly tell that my fellow servants have put their all into this meal.

Jezzebelle: (aside) Not to mention a special seasoning agent that will knock you dead !

(All of them keel over. Just as they do, Joel sees them die from the window and hears the Lady Greymalkin cackling before she disappears.)

Joel: NOOOOO ! I can't live without my darling. I've had enough… Goodbye cruel world ! (pulls out a 47 caliber pistol from his pants pocket and shoots himself)

Meanwhile, the party at the club on the other side of town in Rocky Heights, all the guys are having a good time. Hudson thinks he meets the love of his life, but "she" turns out to be male…

Hudson: I've never seen a woman dance like you do.

Sienna: That's because I'm not who you think I am.

All Guys: Oh…My…LORD ! (mouths drop and they all step away)

Raymond: Well, pickle my beets.

Sienna: What's it to ya, you big lug ? (winks) You like what you see ?

Raymond: (rather seductively) Oh, you know it.

Sienna: I feel like dancing ! Dancing ! (dances with him and laughs heartily)

(The guys are still in shock)

Patrick: You guys, I think I'm going to be bathing 4-5 times a day now.

Maurice: You ain't whistlin' Dixie brother.

The band Sprite is playing their techno song "Revolutionary" while pyrotechnics blaze this way and that… Without further notice, the stage catches fire and the whole building burns down before our very eyes.

Narrator: That's it. I quit ! You guys are sick, demented freaks !

Jezzebelle: Where's my agent ?! I didn't even have any more good lines or flattering close-ups !

Joel: Yeah, and what a pathetic way to end a series…

Raymond: It wasn't a series, Archibald.

Joel: (flustered) That's beside the point, Renee ! I'm leaving. Good day.

(All leave the set, and a note from the sponsor appears…)

Due to lack of plot structure and all of the key players being KILLED OFF at the end of just one episode, this melodrama will no longer be featured on NBC. If you do not approve, do not write to us. We have more important things to do with our time, like finding better scripts than this piece of crud. We have no idea how this passed threw our editing staff or our ciphers in general. Again, please don't send complaints to us. We only end up shredding them. So, go on about your dullard, droll lives and leave us alone. Thank you.

The End

By: Elizabeth Berndt

May 15, 2003