One too many nights like this, John.

A little too much emptiness to deal with along with the darkness. A little too much cold to keep the fire inside alive.

You know, a man might not need much to get by, but he needs something, and when he's got nothing, well, that explains itself.

One too many nights. That's all it is.

I thought it was gone for a bit, you know? I thought I had chased those demons far enough away that I'd be able to walk out of those shadows. But you know, John, they're back again. It doesn't hurt as much as it did before, but it still does, you know? It still does.

You wonder how much a man's soul can take, you know? How much emptiness and darkness and all of that. They say men are hardy creatures and all, but I really wonder if they really are or are just pretending to be. I think they just fake it, John. I can't see how any man with a soul inside of him could take too much of this.

It gets to the point where it threatens to drag you down, John. The darkness kinda surrounds you and you don't know where to turn. And that guiding light you hoped that would emerge in the distance, well, it don't comeā€¦.it just don't come. And then you're left to just fumble in the darkness and hope that something comes along to take it away.

But even then, it don't stay, you know? I mean, it gives you enough like to look yourself over and see if there's anything left, see if there's still any skin on your arms and see if you haven't disappeared. But then before you want it to, it goes away. Before you can get ready for it for it, it goes away. And then you get back into the darkness.

You know, you figure a man would get used to the darkness. You figure after a while his heart'd stop racing and he'd just accept the fact that it's dark and it's going to be dark for a long while. And you know, part of me did, John, part of me did. But I was a sucker for that light. Whenever the light was on, I figured that it'd stay, you know? I figured the darkness was gone. And then I'd get used to the light. I'd let myself go and feel its warmth. I'd feel a little better inside.

But then it'd go away and the darkness would come back blacker than ever. Sometimes I'd cry. Sometimes I'd just yell and yell and yell until I couldn't yell no more, but it didn't do me any good. There ain't much that does a man good when he's in the dark. Only thing that fixes it is light. But the light don't come easy at all.

It's awful dark right now, John. And you know, it's been a while, and I don't feel it like I used to. But I still do, you know? I still do.

There's been one too many nights of this.

I just hope that when the light comes back on, I'm still there to see it.