8 years later.

There was a knock on the door, as I lay there. He turned around and I yelled " Go to your room, Maggie."

"But I hungry." she half screamed half sang.

"I'll feed you later" I grunted.

He turned back to me. "I don't pay to listen to you talk to your kid." He punched me. I could hardly feel it. I had so much alcohol in me that I couldn't feel much of anything anymore. He pounded into me a few more times and then finally fell on my chest. I pushed him off , took his money and he left.

I began to fix my hair. I put a robe over my outfit and looked in the mirror. I couldn't stand for here to see me like that. I walked out and fixed her some cereal.

"How are you doing baby." I asked

She looked at me and smiled sideway. "Big bird is silly."


She nodded wildly "Yep. He can't find Ernie." She stared at my face and I looked down shamefully.
"Was this boss mean?" she asked innocently. I couldn't tell her that my bosses were merely men who paid to fuck me, her mom. She asked me along time ago. I couldn't bear to call them uncles( there were so many), so I said bosses.

She searched my eyes. "Momma? Are you okay?"

I wiped away a tear. "Yeah, baby" I squeezed her tight. "Eat your cereal. Momma's gotta work. I looked through the shithole "hotel room" for the remote and gave it to her.

"Stay inside."

I locked the door and went back to work. I felt horrible . Cereal at 10 at night. Making her watch the same shitty dubbed Sesame Street episode on vhs. I hated giving her this.

I had four more "bosses" that night. I worked till 1 in the morning.

The light were off when I got home. She was such a smart little 7 year old and she already knew the importance of conserving energy. She knew mommy would have to pay the bills.

My daughter she was so smart. She knew something was missing. She had already asked about Daddy. A question I had never been able to answer. I couldn't even lie about it. I'd have to tell her eventually. Tell her that I wasn't sure. Tell her that mommy had be raped by men she had been fucking comfortably once. How would she handle that. I mean, look how I handled it. Lose my job. Blow my money. Reduced to a hooker.

I walked to her room and sat on her bed crying as I watched her sleep. Like I did every night.
She had the most striking features. She had the most beautiful blonde hair. She had blue eyes. Hard to tell weither they were Ray's or Tony's. But the thing I love about her was she had a small pretty mole above her lip. Just a speck really but it reminded me so much of Mandy.

Maggie turned over and I quickly sat up. " Mommy!" "Hey baby. What'd you do today."

I kissed her forehead and said "Mommy. I cleaned up your room. And guess what? I found this picture." She handed it to me. "Who's that?"

It was a picture of me holding a baby in the hospital. It seemed different though. "That's you."

"No mommy. I have a pink blanket. Here's mine" She pointed to the picture on her dresser.

My eyes widened as I realized the blanket was blue. It was my boy. My baby boy. It had been so long. I'd almost forgot about. It was hard to remember his name, but I knew it. Nikolia. After his father. My father.

"That's your brother." I whispered.

"A brother." She hugged me. She smiled, half her teeth missing. "oh thank you, mommy. Where is he. Can I see him."

I looked at her. I handed her the picture. "You keep this baby. Your brother is already out in the world.

"Why." she looked so sad.

"Mommy had to." I got on my knees and took her hands. "I'm sorry." Tears full from my eyes. "Forgive me. Please. Please forgive me."

She stared at me, eyes wide with astonishment and curiosity. "That's okay, mommy. Mommy, I forgive you. Stop mommy. Be happy."

I looked at her, " I promise sweetie. You'll meet him on day. We'll live happily ever after." I wasn't lying. I believed it myself. I wanted my son back. "We'll find him baby. Everything will change."