repeat.
working backward through a lonely night
I left without saying:
goodbye
I love you
hello; how've you been?
dancing on the edge
of the dance-floor
twisting, shouting
wondering why
sitting, staring, thinking
and looking and looking away
waiting, but he only went the other way
I kept hoping, for something
I'd given up, but here's another chance
acknowledgment? mere courtesy.
late, the entrance I've been waiting for
patiently, desperately, alone.
distance, unseen, distracted and attracted
that nonexistant look I can't avoid
sharp, dressed like a knife
the same and only dress as last time
it's not for him (isn't it always though?)
no idea what my feelings are
I heard that he would be here tonight
all of a sudden, I'm right
back where I started
speculation is the name of this game
and my mind was almost free
spinning
I just want it to stop
pursuit of happiness
forever etched
and ever the same
creation
God
and nothingness
great precedent to life
whatever else, unfathomable
the truth, the mystery
the meaning of
it all,
and then some.

TMK 8.6.2005