Understand?

If only I had freedom
a freedom from the pain
of thinking love's not meant for me
a sufferer in this game

A game of love
where the other hides from me
keeping who he is from me
while I pour out my soul
in drop by bloody drop

It doesn't seem fair
hell, it never was
to be cut off with nothing to do
smiling while my heart screams
"LOVE!"

Love
What do I know of love?
when I don't even know if I have it
or can give it
to the one who wants it
and gives it to me

I'd die for you if it meant I'd understand you
if it meant an end to frustration
in waiting on the sidelines for you
to come to me
while you are beaten to a bloody pulp
and knocked about this bleak reality

Understand and don't
you say to me when I cry
knowing you're in pain, you're suffering
You say it's fine when I don't understand
But you don't mean it

Perhaps all that's in the way
Understanding
You understand where I cannot
you listen when I don't hear
you are calm when my heart bleeds over you

I can't talk to you
can't tell you anything
not anymore
it will only hurt you
and you'll tell me again
I don't understand

So you leave me to lie
just as you lie to me
to protect me from your pain
to make me happy
and not cry

Love you promised to be honest
another promise broken
Ah, how long can I endure?
When you hurt me instead of
saving me from
your pain

And so inside I drown
in blood and unshed tears
knowing you won't notice
until my lips form the words
"I love you"

9/4/05