Author's note: This story was made up on the spot, in the middle of the night, for my cousin, and is not to be taken as a serious commentary on anything! It's just supposed to be funny. (She made me tell it three times over the next week, too)

I Want My Gumball!

Once upon a time, there was a regular little girl who led a regular life in a regular suburb of Washington D.C. She had a regular family, and she went to a regular school. It was at that regular school that my story begins. During lunch period she decided that she wanted a soda with lunch and a gumball for later. The sodas cost 75 cents and the gumballs cost a quarter, and since her mother had given her a dollar for a snack, it worked out perfectly. As soon as she had a chance she got up, went to the soda machine, inserted her dollar, and pushed the button of her choice. In a moment, the machine dispensed her soda. She waited for it to give her the change it owed. It didn't. Now she was getting frustrated. Lunch period was almost over! She would have to go back to class, and now she didn't have enough money to get a gumball! Oh, no!

She waited there throughout the rest of lunch. Finally the bell signaling the resumption of classes sounded. She had to have her gumball. She went to the lunch monitor. "Please, ma'am," she pleaded, "I put my dollar in the soda machine, it gave me my soda but it didn't give me my quarter, and I need my quarter so I can go get a gumball."

The lunch monitor stared at her pityingly. "Sorry, dear, but I don't have a quarter, and I can't make the machine give you yours. Even if I could, I am too busy right now. Now, go back to class." The little girl went back up to her classroom and then straight to her teacher.

"Teacher, Teacher," she pleaded, "I put my dollar in the soda machine, it gave me my soda but it didn't give me my quarter, and I need my quarter so I can go get a gumball!"

The teacher glanced up at her and said distractedly, "Sorry, dear, but I don't have a quarter or a gumball, and I can't make the machine give you yours. Even if I could, I'm too busy grading papers. Now, take a seat and begin the lesson like a good girl."

Of course, the little girl did not sit down and begin her lesson. Instead she walked out of the room, down the hall, down the stairs, and into the principal's office. (However, the teacher was far too busy grading papers to notice this.) She walked right up to his desk, and pleaded, "Mr. Principal, Mr. Principal, Mr. Principal, I put my dollar in the soda machine, it gave me my soda but it didn't give me my quarter, and I need my quarter so I can go get a gumball!!" The principal hardly glanced at her.

"So sorry, but I don't have anything to reimburse you with, and I'm far too busy with important school business to find someone to fix the machine. Now, go back to class." But she didn't, and the principal was far too busy with important school business to bother noticing. She walked right out of the school.

Once out of the school, she went straight to the home of the school superintendent, who was off on a 'sick day.' She got there just as he, in full golfing attire, closed and locked his front door behind him. She ran up to him and began imploringly, "Mr. Superintendent, Mr. Superintendent, Mr. Superintendent, Mr. Superintendent, I put my dollar in the soda machine, it gave me my soda but it didn't give me my quarter, and I need my quarter so I can go get a gumball!!!"

He brushed passed her on his way to the car, leaving her standing on the doorstep. As he got into his car, he called over his shoulder, "Well, I don't have a quarter, and I don't have any gum. If I did, I would be chewing it myself. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for my game…I mean my…uh…doctor's appointment." And, with that, he slammed the door and drove away. She spent the rest of the afternoon walking to the mayor's house.

When she finally got there she was exhausted. She sat on the stoop and rested for a few minutes. Then, she got up and knocked on the big brown door. The mayor, who was just getting ready to go play a few rounds of golf himself, answered the door. He looked down at her.

"What do you want?" he asked brusquely.

"Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor," she pleaded in exhaustion, "I put my dollar in the soda machine, it gave me my soda but it didn't give me my quarter, and I need my quarter so I can go get a gumball!!!!" He appeared highly uninterested.

"Can't you see that I am a busy man? I am mayor, after all. Besides, I don't have a quarter, and I don't have a gumball, and I don't care about your little problem. After all, I am a politician!" Then, he slammed the door in her face so he could go finish getting ready. She stared at the door dejectedly for a minute, and then realizing that it was not going to open again, she walked on.

She stopped that night at the large, white door of the White House. She was so tired by this point that she fell asleep on the doorstep. She was awakened the next morning when the newspaper was flung onto her head by mistake. She got up and knocked on the door. The President answered it. "Yes, how can I help you?" he asked while yawning.

"Mr. President, Mr. President, Mr. President, Mr. President, Mr. President, Mr. President," she began feeling almost hopeless by this point, "I put my dollar in the soda machine, it gave me my soda but it didn't give me my quarter, and I need my quarter so I can go get a gumball!!!!!!"

"I feel your pain," said the President, and then he shut the door.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!" yelled the little girl.

Then, with a renewed sense of purpose, she went to an ammunition shop. "Please, sir," she said to the man at the counter, "I would like enough TNT to blow up six small buildings and one large one with a little left over."

"Sure, kid, it's on the house," said the man, who truly thought that he was dreaming.

"Thank you," she said politely, and left with her supplies.

She promptly went back to the White House, and when she was sure that no one was in it, she blew it sky-high. Then she went back to the mayor's house. Again, making sure that it was empty, she blew it away. The superintendent's house was next on the list. Checking to see that no one was in or on the premises, she leveled that one, too. Repeating the process of checking to make sure that the house was empty, she went on to demolish the principal's house, and the teacher's, and then the lunch monitor's. When she was finished there, she went back to the school where the lunch period was just beginning. She then proceeded to blow up both the soda and the gumball machines. "I WANT MY GUMBALL!" she screamed to no one in particular (never mind the fact that quarters and gumballs were now falling like rain after being blown up into the troposphere).

Just then, the bomb squad and the police arrived. They took the little girl away, and put her in a juvenile detention center. However, about a month later, she broke out. So that's how I am able to be here telling you all this. You wouldn't happen to have a quarter, would you?"

THE END