With key in hand, like so many other mornings I unlock the door and enter in your home not quite knowing what it is the moments soon to pass in time yet unlived will give to me to experience…
Those few moments pass and once again it is the pain within, the anguish, the heart palpating with thots racing that I am given to experience and know once again so well.
Your moments when you seem to die a little more in my presence I feel again. I can taste death as it calls to you.
Your wheelchair with the locks on and there you are not in your chair or bed of hospital design, rather fallen once again.
Strength enough there is not within and so I give to you as much comfort as I can with your head pillowed and a quilt to give you cover.
Like so many times of a near past I promise on leaving I will return with help... and I do.
In making the drive to get the one who will give the needed assistance realization comes that had you died suddenly before there would have been a grief so powerful that would have took me in its arms that surely I too would have collapsed to not rise again while as in your slowing dying I am given to have an acceptance that at a moments future passing will somehow give the needed strength to go on for releasing you bit by bit I am having to do.
I hate letting go for when you are gone then too goes the last of my family of my conceiving and I don't want to be orphaned and alone and yet I want you not to suffer so when that day comes with key in hand...
And unlock the door once more and there find no breath within your mortal body… I have to trust now that then in those moments the strength there will be given to simply go on…
Life Flows on.