Wise King Haku's Reflection on the Sexiness of Potatoes.

It has made my brain quite tired and worn,

But by my honour am I sworn

To complete this distressing task.

"What is it, sire?" I hear you ask.

The query is simple, yet quite vexing:

"Can a potato look rather sexy?"

I don't think it can, but know it must

For many foods might incur our lust.

Examine, if you may, the naked orange –

(Then again, nothing bloody rhymes with orange).

In that case, take the plum instead.

It plays far worse thoughts with our head

Than any mere potato could.

But still, I know the humble spud

Must be sexy in its own form,

And by my honour I am sworn

To make my brain go hyperactive

And say "Potatoes are attractive!"

For indeed, I am inclined to think

Potato brings vodka, the greatest drink.

And it indeed, if given a chance

Inclines us to remove our underpants

Then find somewhere rather out of the way

And do naughty things throughout the day.

So, therefore, if weighed in such a measure,

Potatoes can give us sexual pleasure.

Also, potatoes are grown in the grass –

The romantic hide of many a lad or lass.

So, I suppose, that in that fashion

Potatoes are linked to our lusty passion.

Chalk another one up for that noble veggie

I proclaim that they are quite sexy!

Now courtiers, I'll see thee all later…

I'm off to devour a bag of taters

And having made my appetite keen,

I'll go hunting for the Queen!