Hyperbole

By: Jessica Brandon


There came a young woman from Petrolia one day. She was just an average girl, if you define averageby a horrible disfigurement of the right leg and left arm, and a lopsidedness of the cerebral cortex resulting in severe speech trauma.

But all those wonderful (or grotesque depending on your point of view) attributes aside, this girl loved to sing and dance: BROADWAY STYLE!

"I love to SING!" The girl sang suddenly, frightening the young couple walking by her and scaring a small child into screeching wails two streets over. She continued this nervous twitch of her vocal cords the entire way to the interview.

In a few short steps the doors of the building of her future of hope and possibly the longest run on sentence in history loomed menacingly down over her frail and even more disfigured frame in the shadows of a sudden black out that consumed even the sunlight of the doomed city.

( - short dramatic pause - )

The girl pushed the door open and instantly her brain leapt forward, causing her to stumble inside.

"My name interview," she blurted out.

The receptionist gazed over the top of her designer glasses to regard the poor creature who'd lost its way into their office.

"Do you have an interview?" She asked in a quite clich├ęd nasally voice.

"Me have interview 2!" The helpless girl struggled to speak as her brain slowly leaked out her ears, off to a permanent vacation in the Bahamas.

Miraculously, she managed to contained enough cells within her cranium by plugging her ears to make it into the interview. Here she was prompted several times to remove the digits from their oral hiding places. When she finally conceded, the rest of her higher cognitive functions rapidly escaped and she was left a drooling moron in the office of a very confused man named "Mr. Popen.

"Now, could you tell me why you think you'd be an asset to this company?" He leaned forward, showing sincerity.

"D-Uh... me work for money!" Her mouth flapped, and she nodded with a most frightening grin. "You give me money"

"Yes I see," Mr Popen stood and helped the girl to her feet. "Julie, could you get the poor retarded girl a cookie and point her towards St. Thomas?" Her leaned out the office door while ushering a now mindless zombie out.

"Yes sir right away!" Julia came out from behind the desk to assist poor mentally deficient girl with her coat.

And so ends the story of Jess' Interview!


St. Thomas is a city in Southern Ontario. A large hospital for mental rehabilitation and continuing care is in St. Thomas.