Author: sKiTzO sHy VioLeT
Summary: Good was all she uttered and in an instant her daughter's world ended. How? Read on. R for language
Note: This is dedicated to all those who can relate.
It was one of those days where the goddamn sun is shining and the temperature is fucking perfect. Damn weather. Always fucking taunting me. The worst day of my life and the goddamn weather deacides to be perfect for Christ's sake. I mean it was one of those days where you take your kid to the park and you fly a kite and laugh all day. Well screw you and your kite AND your kid. I bet you have the perfect relationship with your kid and accept him or her no matter what.
Again I say screw you....
Perhaps I sound a bit bitter. Well you would be too....
Think of the word "good". It's a nice positive word isn't it? Make ya feel happy I bet. Look it up in the dictionary. Mine says "of a favorable character or tendency".
Screw the dictionary. I'm making up my own goddamn definition. Let's see.... How about "The worst fucking word in the english language"???? Or maybe "the only word with the capability to destroy your child's entire world"???
You probably want me to tell you the story, huh? Well then I will....
As I was saying before I got sidetracked (I do that often, I'm doing it now), it was a lovely day. Absolutely perfect. Absofreakinglutely....
I guess I was sitting on my bed, staring at the wall.... Cause I remember I was in my room, but it was before I got my TV and VCR... Maybe I was reading a book...
Anyway, I was in my room and I was kind of thinking about this girl I like. See, I'm bisexual. And not that fake bisexual that girls do to get guys. Real bisexual. As in Ani DiFranco.
So I was in my room when my mother called to me. I got up and walked the short distance from my room to hers. Our house isn't very big so it took me less than five seconds maybe.
I remember looking around the room and glancing at all the glass figurines she had on her dresser. When my sister and I were little we'd play with them, so they always reminded me of when I was little. Great times of playing with out a single worry. Not thinking about being accepted by people.
I looked at my mom. She was sitting on her bed with one of those faces that made it obvious that she had been thinking about something not too long ago and the thoughts still lingered in her mind like a sour taste on her tongue. She looked at me with this face that wasn't a smile, nor was it a frown. It was really enigmatic...
"Uhh... yeah?" I don't remember what I said exactly, you'll notice I have a bd memory, but it was something along those lines. Truth be told she was starting to scare me....
"Sit down." I remember that. From this point on I remember the conversation clearly. Crystal Clear. When an event ruins your life, you remember it....
So I sat. It took her a moment to start, which scared me even further cause I *knew* then that this was way beyond serious. And I hate serious. I'd much rather look at those glass figurines and be a kid. Seriousness scares me. It's like a bad game of hide and seek where the only things on the playground are you, a friend, and a box barely big enough to fit the two-year-old down the street.
"Tabitha...." An eternity must have passed and I nearly choked when she said Tabitha. She only says that when she's totally not playing.
Damnit... If only she would have said "Tabby"... Maybe then it would have been somewhat more bearable...
"Are you..." She began again after another trillon years. She was hesitant to speak and I hated that moment. "I mean... Are you a lesbian?"
I stopped. Boy did I stop. Was she really asking me this? Was it *that* obvious that I liked chicks? I knew I couldn't tell her cause it was just too early. I was only fourteen for crying out loud! (And if you think that's too young to know check out all the little kindergartners chasing eachother... A little boy tried to kiss me in kindergarten. All the girls in the class in fact.)
I recovered quickly, but I was nervous. I wasn't sure if she noticed or not.
"No, no of course not." It wasn't a lie. I'm not a lesbian. I'm bisexual thank-you-very-much.
She nodded and smiled, obviously buying it. (Wait... what was there to buy, I didn't lie..). "Good."
Can you believe that? She said good and in that moment my world crushed. I knew right then and there I could never tell her. Ever. She obviously wouldn't accept.
A million nightmares played through my head. I suddenly thought of the horror stories I heard about parents kicking their non-heterosexual children out when they were only sixteen and completely disowning them.
I saw my future in an instant. I am thirty two living in a house with my life partner, a thirty three year old woman, and my mother is old and gray haired. At family gatherings everyone will nod and smile when she refers to my girlfriend as my "room mate".
And that's how it'll be. Forever.