I--I founded you! Fuck, I found you! You are lying in bloody water in the bathtub. A relieved smile on your face. I wanted to throw up, I could feel my throat closing up and food at my throat. I fall to my knees beside the bathtub. I gagged, but nothing came out. I stare in daze and horror at the rusty red color of the bathwater, the misused razor on the floor, wyoure you must have dropped it. the once perfect white tub, now stained by smudges of your blood.

Empty indigo eyes staring at me and haunting me along with your smile. I am only hazily aware that I am screaming, ear-piercing screams, as I'm watching you slipping away from me. I jump in the water and I pull your body from the water, still not silencing my howls as if I was the one in pain…as if I was the one dying.

Three pairs of hands pulled me away from you. you slip from my grasp and you go underwater. My eyes widen in fear. I struggle to get you, but a blurred faces keeps me from you.

"Get him, Jack's drowning! Jack's drowning!" I scream at someone. Two helping aid from our sector of the Yound Adult Mental Ward, and Jon helps you. I sit in a corner and pulled my knees up to my chest to protect myself from all of them. I didn't want to see your body, I didn't want to see anything. My screams stop, and I now whisper lies quietly to myself. I am whispering, that you're fine and alive. you will survive ordeal.

They pull hom from the bathtub, the two aids raced you out of the bathroom and a couple minutes later, I could hear the car starting. Jon stayed, he bends his knee and look at my face, but I wouldn't look at him. I heard the soft pops of opening and closing his mouth, unsure of what to say.

"Lilly…" I look up at Jon, who said my name. His once tan skin was now sick looking and pale. His brown eyes were wide, but I don't see him anymore, my mind keeps flashing your empty eyes as they looked at me, a relieved smile on your face. you were happy killing youself. I started to gag more, but still nothing comes out. You was fucking smiling.

I realize I'm screaming at Jon about your eye, your blank, emotionless eyes and other things my mind didn't understand and from the confused looks of Jon's face, he wasn't getting it either.

"My fault" I finally whisper after a minute of my screaming and the awkward silence, "My fault, my fault, my fault, my fucking fault, always my fucking fault," I repeated in a whisper, afraid that if I speak any louder, the universe will crash, just like my world. you's dead!

"Jack's dead," my voice said with heavy emotion. Jon shook his head. Lines around his frown and forehead deepen. I started to weep. I tried to stop them, but I couldn't help it. Why did you do it? Where were the fucking nurses? Are they not supposed to take care of us, mental nutcases. We're in their fucking care.

"He's not dead. You don't know if Jack's dead--yet," Jon said, his voice raw. he was trying to stop himself from crying. I smiled bitterly, and cruel words formed out of my mouth, before I realize what I was saying.

"How do you know he's still fucking alive! Jack probably dead right now!" My voice dipped in sarcastic and cruel tone. the second those words left my mouth, I regretted them. I started to sob now. Jon tried to wrap your arm around in comfort, but I tried push him away. I sob uncontrollable and I curl myself into a ball. Jon sits next to me, rubbing my back. I soon fall into darkness.


To be continue? (Maybe)