Ripping out my Heart


It's amazing how easily this mask slips right onto my face

Silly how complex this should all be

It should be an immense weight on my shoulders

When I'm masquerading

When I'm faking it all

But I soon come to realize that faking it is actually easier

Less hassle

Less concerned friends trying to guess what's wrong

Less trouble

Less of a chance of him finding out

It's all better kept inside

Much safer there

So secrative

I'll store them away for a time when it doesn't matter how I feel inside

And I can just scream

Cry, wail, whine, howl, shout to my throat's extent

And when I can vent it all out to my mind's extent

And for the one day when I might be able to somehow express it all

To my heart's true extent

Highly doubting that day's mere existance, I trudge on as if to say

"It's not worth it

I could care less"

Really

I could

I guess I'll just miss those few days I was under the ignorant impression

That I, of all people, had a chance

Had a moment waiting at a particular place in time

To sneak up on me

When my emotional tornado is most placid

And whisk me away into a dream

But all dreams are fake

This one bears no significance

Therefore, lacking in exception

Great, just fantastic

My only moment where I finally get exactly what I've looked for

The moment I've been looking forward to all this time

Will end up being woven into the masterful tapestry of my dreams

My artificial realities my subconscious gives life to in the midst of my slumber

My escape

Go figure

It's like trekking down a cave that never seems to end

No forks in the road, no choices

Nothing in your control

Forced to shuffle onwards even when you're most worn out

When you're heart's been torn out

You still gotta keep going

Cause if you don't

It's the end for you, and there's no going back once you're gone

Forever

Gone behind the cover of a simple mask perhaps?