thoughts;
rushinglimbshipsbuckinglegswrappedrocking
boysinenglishclassboysinscienceclass
beads of sweat clinging to their necks
like a necklace

oh God-

I bet he hears these thoughts
do you, God?
do you sit outside my window and listen to the music of my
raging insides?
do you listen to me all the time, God?
is it
too late now?
for me?
do you shake your head in pity from your cloud
poor little sick girl
sick from the day she was born
even if I wanted to believe in you!
how could you ever forgive me?
would you, God?
could you, God?
would you welcome me with open arms?
would you un-westernize me and my
jaded white girl beliefs?
could you give me back my ethnicity?
could you finally let me know what
category I fit under?
I don't think you could!
since I don't believe in you!
so I can say now!
I don't believe in God!
but pathetic little me, I'll still
secretely put my hands together in a moment of weakness
and beg for forgiveness for-

for-

e v e r y t h i n g