I want to cry inside your sheltered promises

you know, the ones that never came true

Did I tell you that I loved you? (love is such a heavy thing)

You, you altered my baby girl perceptions

empty tiger lily wishes and the kinds of smiles

that make me swoon

It was all your fault.

(and yes, I blame you)

teaspoons of heartbreak and a smothering

happiness, always peppered with doubt

me doubting you doubting me

you have no thorny obligation to me

no golden starry happy thoughts about me

and you always pretended that you couldn't hear me crying

on the telephone

did that make you feel better?

Black, black trees grabbing handfuls of

pewter sky and choking the clouds half to death

I told the sun I wanted a boy to hold my hand

but it never happened

maybe

I shouldn't have given up on God.

I tried to run away with you in my junior high dreams

but it never worked out the way it does in

the Movies.

Where were my wings?

Where was your compassion?

Where was the magic?

(All the pieces we were without)

left a broken puzzle shaped hole in the middle

of it all