A smile spread across my face for the first time since it happened, I watched him sat alone, his eyes glistened with my pain. I had finally let him know the truth, a secret kept so well for years. I guess I can never know what he would have done had he known before it happened, but I was certainly able to see how he reacted.
My obsession spanned over years, until my dying day in fact. I guess you could say it was a pretty unhealthy obsession once you see the results. I had known him a few years, but it wasn't until we started to become friends that I saw him in that light. My third year at school and the closest I had ever been to him in my life. We were acquaintances really, but even that was enough for me, I had a small circle of friends, and due to his budding relationship with Caroline he had hastily entered the circle. We had welcomed him with open arms enjoying the variation; then again maybe that was just me. He had his own group of friends who consequently became involved with us too, so there it was, the union of two groups, foundations for my unhappiness.
He was tall, well taller than me, although that wasn't a challenge for anyone really, his eyes a deep startling blue, the kind you only see on films, where the actors blatantly wear coloured lenses. His hair was mid length, drooping adorably over his eyes, the most endearing thing however was his strong muscular chin. It was never his looks however that captured me, well only to begin with, he just had some kind of irresistible charm that drew me to avidly staring at the back of his head in lessons. Where I was lucky enough to be able to gaze upon his face I was always afraid that he would notice.
I only ever spoke to him on the odd occasion to begin with, I was too shy to get to really know him – but even so I felt like there wasn't anything I wouldn't already know. I remember a few times when I had spent the lunch with Caroline that he had come to talk to us, well Caroline. I often just used to smile and make the odd comment, leaving all the talking between him and Caroline, who both obviously liked each other; I don't know how I didn't see it coming.
It was a few weeks into the holidays before I found out. I didn't see anyone much in the holidays, I liked to keep myself to myself mostly, and only really socialised inside school. Or maybe I'm just saying that because I never got invited? I don't know, it's hard to remember now. I had ran out of reading to do and had to take some books back to the library anyway, so I rang Caroline up and asked to see if she would go to town with me. And she did, so the next day I set off to the bus stop at around 10:30, to get to town for 11. I lived a few miles out of town in a little cottage my parents insisted was beautiful and endearing. I personally had always just longed to live closer to… well anything remotely interesting. So instead of a cramped modest house with little or no garden situated on a chaotic buzzing road, I was given a beautifully blossoming, cosy spacious cottage situated in the very grave of social interaction.
Now I had always been the sort of person to sit at the very centre of the bus, in fear of a car (or even worse: a truck) colliding with the back of the vehicle crushing me between the seats and forcing me to 'live' the rest of my life on life support. (I had figured that a side collision as well as being less prone to occurrence would be less likely to result in the seats of the bus being forced together) Sadly however that day I was forced to sit at the back of the bus, hugely decreasing my mood and bull shit tolerance levels. Luckily I survived the bus ride and was able to trek my way down the busy high street towards the corner known as 'the corner' where I was scheduled to meet Caroline.
It wasn't until I reached the corner that I saw them, (it being a corner they were obstructed from view…) both of them, her sat on his knee like there was nothing wrong with it. They didn't eve look up, staring intensely into each others eyes. I began to violently shake, turning away from them quickly I began to suck on my bottom lip. Without thinking my legs started to carry me in the opposite direction.
'Paige' a voice yelled, shit, keep going... I thought, but I didn't, I stopped and walked towards them. Each step my body got heavier, and my heart sunk lower and lower into my chest, I think I probably began to sweat, eyes watering, red face, the lot. I always did in confrontational or nervous situations. 'What were you doing?!?!' she asked, for a moment I thought she knew, and I didn't know whether I liked the idea or not.
'I thought I dropped my purse.' I replied quickly, phew good response. '…but I hadn't' He looked at me in that odd inquisitive way, it was so adorable, it even made me smile at the time. So that was it I guess, how I found out about them… the exact moment when my life began to freefall down, all the way to rock bottom.