Confessions of a Boy Gang



Running is never easy


I remember running.

Running from something but ultimately running from nothing. Something was there but it was swirled into nothing, with a pinch of entirety and that's what it was.

I remember running, running until I couldn't stop. Until the feeling would never end, that feeling of heightened dread in the pit of your stomach…you know the one.

My legs were hard and fast, I might have been average height but I was fast anyway. The pavement under me was dry and echoed with my hollow footsteps, I was running down a dim sidewalk.

It was surprisingly empty, I was the only living soul running down it. The nothing behind me, didn't count.

My heart was racing.

It was thudding a permanent tattoo in my chest, beating wildly and out.

Th-thump, th-thump, th-thump, th-thump, th-thump, th-thump, th-thump…

That's how my heartbeat went, at times it skipped and hurried a little bit more, depending on how much I was speeding up, what shadows and lurking things crept at me from the dark and in the corners.

I couldn't help it though. What was I supposed to do? I was only doing what my instincts were telling me to do. The right thing. The only thing.

My legs sprint continued down the sidewalk, passing by little closed down shops and stores, passing by the odd lamppost here and there. The few I had passed by though, barely flicker a light, they were pale and dim, blotched against the cement pavement, against my own flitting form.

I turned quickly into the alleyway, into the overwhelming darkness which had easily swallowed me whole. It was the only possible thing I could do, the only other thing that had popped into my head besides continuing to run. But that was getting tiring, a little bit more and I would've tired out, passed out on the ground or worse. Slowed down.

I stopped, falling back against a brick wall, a dark brick wall, but a brick wall all the same. I didn't need light to be able to see that. My breathing was heavy and low, I attempting to even out my breathing's pace, keep it steady and hopefully slow.

It came out more like muffled wheezes, scuffling in my throat and coming out my mouth like a rush of mottled wind.

Shadows fell on the alleyway's entrance, giving it an ominous air, a scary entrance.

It wouldn't come in here. It shouldn't come in here. It'll think I'm scared. Too scared to go in here. It'll think I'm still running away from it, from nothing but something. It'll think wrong. I'm sure of it.

A stream of chilling wind blows stirringly into the alleyway, a dark silhouette stretched outside the dim lit entrance of the alleyway. I tremble, quaking in my own shoes, arms wrapping themselves around my middle.

I stay quiet though.

I don't want it to hear me. I don't want it to know I'm here.

I need to keep myself hidden. I need to keep myself invisible. I need it to think I'm somewhere else. I need it to think I've already left this place.

The dark figure sweeps away, leaving behind a shudder of cool wind to whip along me.

I allow myself to slip down onto the ground, cold and rough ground underneath me while I lean on the brick wall, heavily. I wipe my hands tiredly over my face, resigned and just…just something.

Did I manage to outrun it? To outsmart it?

If I'm lucky enough…




warning: This warning includes: Slash, m/m interpretations and content, gay interpretations warning for homophobes or people of the like. This warning also includes: Inappropriate language, violence, abuse, nudity, suicidal tendencies, rape and many other things inappropriate for children or people of the like. Reader be advised.