Monologue based on Hedda Gabler
Setting: The inner room. Curtains closed.
This marriage. This honeymoon. Tesman. I am the one in control of it all, but that miss Tesman, my dear Tesman's dear old aunt; I despise her, she tries to control me. I can not be controlled. I am the only one who can control me. I just want freedom, I could only be respected as a woman if I got married. I hate having to be referred to as Mrs Tesman rather than general Garbler's daughter. I have a deep loathing for my society, women have no power or control. I try to break free of the mold but i am oppressed and disowned I'm not allowed to be my own person.
My past. I'd rather forget except Ejlert the only person i have ever loved. I fear I drove him to it. I just... I just wanted him to stay with me forever... do the most beautiful act with me. Instead he left me... left me. It sent me spiraling down then i met Jörgen someone i could, well, use to get what i want. What i need to make me feel good. Not only that but it also gave me power that i can't explain. I need it. I crave it. Crave what i don't need. What can't be afforded. It's not the same with Jörgen as it was with Ejlert.
Ejlert is coming back! He's coming to town! I can't wait to get my hands on him. I want to get him to his old ways. Make him have fun again, since he has been with the Elvested's he's become a hard working academic who has forgotten what fun and being love are. I showed him what they were. Still he took to the bottle, he started drinking; but i didn't care it made him confident and fun.
I want the old Ejlert back.
If i get the old Ejlert back it would take him out of the running for Tesman's promotion. So Tesman would get the promotion and he would feel compelled to get me even more of what i want. That's what I'll do, get my old Ejlert back and get Tesman his promotion.
i can get the old Ejlert back except i have to deal with Mrs Elvested. I'm sure she loves him, but no one can love him the same way as me. He knows that i want him with me so we can see each other during the beautiful act. All i see is Ejlert draped in grape vines and Mrs Elvested, hair on fire. She will die in pain. The death she deserves, she is always taking what i have even when we were at school.
I wanted to burn her hair off then too.
I don't get Tesman he spends as much time at his aunts as he did before we got married, the only difference is he sleeps here, and his aunt feels it is her duty to come over and check on me for no reason at all. She drives me up the wall! Tesman hasn't got any of her hints that she wants us to have a baby. I have loud and clear but i can't let that happen to me, it's the last thing i want.
I had hoped Jule would stay out of my house, at least for a few weeks due to her dear sister dying during the night. But no, it was not to be, she felt she had to tell me in person. I hate having to be all sympathetic and sincere. Jule reminds me of my stupid mother, she never respected the way my father treated me. I was there only child. She always wanted me to act like a lady, i was always bored, wishing i was on a horse ride with my father or shooting his pistols. Once my mother died my father let me be whoever i wanted. He didn't force me into becoming the lady of the house, so i didn't. Every woman disapproved of me and my father they always saw me as being to masculine and my father shouldn't treat me the way he did but it was his way of showing me respect. He knew that i would break the mold of the society.
why did my father have to leave me? Why did he leave me to find him hanging there? If only hadn't i wouldn't be thinking about doing it.
How could Ejlert be so stupid to leave the pistol in his pocket! If he wasn't going to stay with me during the finial act i thought it best i gave him one of my fathers pistols to him to do it with, so part of me could be there when he did it. I had to drive him to it because i knew he wouldn't do it otherwise. I had his new book. I like burning things. I like the power. I had to make Ejlert do what i wanted. The stupid fool went and got himself killed rather than turning the pistol on himself. He didn't have the guts. Now Brack is trying to blackmail me into having an affair with him. He knows it was my fathers gun that killed Ejlert. I can't let my tricks used against me, i can't. I can't lose my control over my life. I already have though i have to get rid of it. I can't keep it. I'd have to look after it and become the lady of the house. I'd never be able to leave Tesman, all i wanted was his money and his status. I guess miss Tesman got her wish after all. What can i do? I can't do what my father did to me.
it's become unbearable. Brack's still trying to blackmail me. Tesman is over-the-moon that I'm pregnant as is miss Tesman. I can not continue with the horrific image of Ejlert's death. Why does everything good go so wrong for me? Tesman wants to recreate Ejlert's book from Mrs Elvested's notes which she took while she was working with Ejlert. They are in next door. Sat together. She has taken the last thing of mine that counts. Tesman.
There is no point living i have nothing. (takes pistol out of draw) Tesman has handed me over to Brack. Mrs Elvested has taken Tesman and i have lost control over my body and my world.
(Bang and blackout at the same time)