you don't understand

i want to cry it all out,

the frustration,

the angst,

the hurt,

the pain.

-

the tears can help me take it all away.

-

you say,

'i understand'.

-

BUT YOU DON'T.

-

do you understand,

how heart-wrenching it is every day i don't see you?

how much i bleed inside despite my plastic smile?

the kind of torment you put me through whenever you leave me?

the hellish paradise you make me live my life in?

how i feel?

-

the indescribable feeling,

the unspoken emotion,

the silent screams,

behind my i'm-so-happy mask?

-

NO YOU DON'T.

-

well,

you're gone,

now,

forever,

and ever.

-

you just DON'T want to let me see you again.

do you?

-

i tried letting pain numb myself, (all i got were more scars)

i tried to forget, (the sleeping pills didn't work)

i tried alcohol, (the headache imprinted multiple images of you instead)

-

did you understand that?

-

i want you back,

you know it.

you're just choosing to ignore me,

am i really transparent?

you can see right through me,

and taking full advantage of that.

-

this time,

i know i'll be able to forget,

because i don't believe in life after death.

-

i know you can hear me,

as i whisper my last

'goodbye'.