you don't understand

i want to cry it all out,

the frustration,

the angst,

the hurt,

the pain.


the tears can help me take it all away.


you say,

'i understand'.




do you understand,

how heart-wrenching it is every day i don't see you?

how much i bleed inside despite my plastic smile?

the kind of torment you put me through whenever you leave me?

the hellish paradise you make me live my life in?

how i feel?


the indescribable feeling,

the unspoken emotion,

the silent screams,

behind my i'm-so-happy mask?





you're gone,



and ever.


you just DON'T want to let me see you again.

do you?


i tried letting pain numb myself, (all i got were more scars)

i tried to forget, (the sleeping pills didn't work)

i tried alcohol, (the headache imprinted multiple images of you instead)


did you understand that?


i want you back,

you know it.

you're just choosing to ignore me,

am i really transparent?

you can see right through me,

and taking full advantage of that.


this time,

i know i'll be able to forget,

because i don't believe in life after death.


i know you can hear me,

as i whisper my last