Handmaid
How beautiful she was
in her ruby raw relic
the bridesmaids dress
handmaiden
into a wedding gown of pearl strung agony;
peel away
her yellow
fleshy lining
until you can see just how ugly she really is.
How many pages did she turn
until each word
(matching perfectly with the face)
could be found
plotted
like a cheap novel
with his flame retardant cigarettes
that smelled nothing of tobacco
and only of him.
His eyes were so hollow then
like
the orange glow of the sky
when it bounces off of Rainer
and sends it fleeing in through my window curtains
to torture my sleeping womb awake.
Arise
wake her
from her slumber
with your big
boy
hands;
shove yourself back into me,
like a chain smoker
you will never burn out for me.
It was back in the 80's
when his smile was swollen
with cedar bark
and little girls
(still born, little girls)
swimming
like birds
in the water.
Take her across the waves
and put fright in her for the eel grass
(that same eel grass
that
that
boy drowned in;
yesterday
or sometime back in May,
when his body got caught in the net and never came back to the shore.)
Kill her with memories
she's
made of plastic
can't you see,
gauzy
dough-like
plaster girl;
plaster her
on whatever it is that will keep her under;
like the lace underwear
I wore
for
no one else but me.
Kill her with raw eyes
and hands;
fingers
that trace the lines of her new lands;
the lands that shifted away from the ocean
when she became a women
though still very much a child she is.
How wonderful she is
like prize winning Mozart
that you stole
to win
at the school fair
(you and your bad poetry)
(you and all of the people who really hate you)
She found gods in aliens
where else could all that power lie
(heaven
is a haven
as yet
unmapped
through the stars)
Turn her into your star system
your glazed north
and
slightly south
of the border
girl;
define her so well
that she'll get lost
when she tries to find herself.
I want you to name each corner of my heart
like he did;
unwanted
unloved
unstable
unsatisfied
unrealistic;
put your finger in me
until you can find the point where I end.
Find the silence
that I have heard;
find the purple ring that wrinkles my face with joy
or
find happiness
in the light flickering
honey colored daze
on my face
when I pause to notice
just how beautiful she really was.