1Tales of My Muse and I

The Difference between Guys and Girls.

Or

Why I can no longer have Slim Jims

One rainy fall day, I am reclining with my beautiful source of literary inspiration. We flip aimlessly through the multitude of cable channels, before settling upon something weepy on Lifetime.

Slightly bored, I untangle myself from her to get a tasty snack. As I stand up, I remember that in my bag lies an unopened pack of Slim Jims.

"Mmm Slim Jims" I drool silently. Desire set into my mind, I commence pillaging the hapless backpack. The ensuing noise, becomes so loud and ferocious that it distracts my lovely from her entertainment. (As if watching one person dying slowly can be called entertainment . . . but I digress.)

"What are you doing?"

"Need snack . . . Need Slim Jims . . . Slim Jims goooood." I reply, sounding somewhat like a zombie.

"Oh. Slim Jims! Can I have one?" She asks, politeness filling her voice. I ponder this, on the one hand I could have four tasty Slims Jims all to myself. On the other hand, I have the keeper of my nookie to please . . . decisions . . . decisions.

I suppose she could see the debate raging in head, as she started to blink her large anime-sized eyes at me, in that 'Puwease' fashion.

"Okie. Enjoy" I say, handing her one Slim Jim, before tearing into my Slim Jim, barely allowing enough time to remove the wrapper before my sink into the Slim Jimmy goodness.

"Slim Jim gooooood"

She watches this scene with a mix of amusement and disapproval. With a light giggle, she un peels the tasty treat and takes a big bite.

crunch

Her eyes morph with sudden annoyance. The all too familiar gaze of "You've done something really bad" falls upon me.

"Wha?" I say defensively.

"...Why is this Slim Jim crunchy?"

"It's . . . a Slim Jim . . . You know 'Snap into a Slim Jim!'"

She redoubles the gaze, I find myself squirming like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Why? Is. The. Slim Jim . . . Crunchy?"

"It might be just a little, just a teensy, bit old."

"How old?" she growls

"I found it in my things from the old dorm."

My lovely's face turned a strange mix of red and green.

"UUUUUUGGH. THAT WAS A 2 YEARS AGO!!!!" she cries in bloody horror, making a mad dash for the bathroom.

Sitting on the floor, I ponder this. I gaze toward the bathroom, listening to her make various horrible sounds. My gaze turns to her tossed aside Slim Jim.

"Tastes okay to me. Slim Jim goooooooooooooood."