Thank you, My Chemical Romance.
The music filled my soul.
Surrounding me. Drowning me in its essence. Purifying me in its passion. Making me live again.
I stretched my arms out wide. Tears flowed down from my desperate eyes, pouring down like rain. The pain was tinged with awe. How could something so beautiful exist?
But it did exist, I felt like shouting. It did.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My own words came back to me with a vengeance. How could something so beautiful exist?
I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-k
I'm not okay
Lying down on my bed, I stared at the ceiling. My hair spread out like a veil. I'm a bride. And the groom is the reaper. Striking all but not me. Hahaha!
And fade to black
Angered now, I made another cut. Deeper this time. Echoing in my brain the tunes, the notes, the many sounds whirling again and again. Each sob caught in my throught as I screamed and screamed.
From the razor to the rosary
We could loose ourselves
And paint these walls
In pitchfork red
I imagined my funeral. The people all so sedate, so sorrowful. Shiftily moving. Coughing quietly. Dropped prayer books, ladies' gloves. I would turn all the crosses upside down. Draw a pentagram on the floor. Upset the vicar. And then laugh in their faces.
And never again
They gave us two shots
To the back of the head
And we're all dead
My one friend's placid, witless face. With those lips that the guys ached to kiss. The long legs they found so seductive. I would cut her hair. Make her bald. Take her clothes. Make her walk naked through the night. Stumbling on broken glass. Like she made me.
Oh don't you look pretty
Walking down the street
In the best damn dress you own
Merrily would I walk the streets. An escaped corpse. Singing a threnody. Waving my arms. Laughing and laughing. Always.
If you never say never too late
I'll forget all the diamonds you ate
I'd terrorize my schoolmates. Make them never forget. Ever. Who could? Me a death-white corpse. With dead eyes. Poising the prom punch. Oh yeah baby yeah!
Life is but a dream for the dead
Please mommy can I have a skeleton for my birthday? Huh? Please mommy please. I'll take good care of it.
If this is what you want then fire at will
Fire at will
Fire at will
Fire at will
How could I explain my thoughts? They'd be horrified if they knew.
Love it or leave it
You can't understand
She's morbid. Those thoughts! Not right for a young person. That's just wrong. The little freak. The little geek. Specky four fucking eyes.
She poked out the holes so I could breathe
My shadow's nice. It's there and I have company. Watching all the other kiddies play. Avoiding the weirdo. She's got cooties.
Pull the plug
Would I like to learn your name
I'm holding on
I hope you do the same
Innocent lies. Perfect smiles. Hi mom how was work? Dropping grades. Flunked a year. You're a disgrace to this family.
Just give me what I need
Give me a reason to believe
16th October. Two years ago to the day. Thrown across the room. Shook like a rat. If you talk like that again I'll kill you. Kill you.
Bright lights that won't kill me now
Or tell me how
Kill me kill me please. Please please please please please please please please please
She won't stop me
Put it down
So get your gun
And meet me by the door
My first cut. The surprise. The shock. The glee. Euphoria.
Another knife in my hands
A stain that never comes off the sheets
I'm so dirty, babe
Clean me off
Birthday photos. Cutting the cake. Smiles that look fake even to me. Desperate to get it over with. I don't like reminders. Another year of dragging through life. Yet another to come.
Way down way down way down way down way down
Curled up with my cat. Safe behind the locked door. A little peace. Singing. Songs without words, half-formed in my head.
Touched by angels though
I fall out of grace
Sick and tired sick and fucking tired. I hate you you hate me we're one fucked-up family.
And it's better off this way
The tears start again. Why did it have to be this way? Why? Why? What did I do?
I tried I tried I tried but I lied well I tried
I reached for the knife.
I can't clean the blood off the sheets
Two brown eyes reflected in the blade.
Gaze into her killing jar
I'd sometimes stare for hours.
I bared my wrist
Check into the hotel bella muerte
And it's better off this way.