What I am about to tell you is a TRUE story of two kids on an epic quest to the CD store. It has been edited for content and has been formatted to fit your TV screen. Once upon a time, there was an emo girl. She was sitting in her room, listening to her CD's and looking through her collection. It was here that she realized that she did not yet have the Hawthorne Heights CD. How could this be?!?! After crying about this horrible realization, she decided to go to Tower Records to find The Silence in Black and White.
However, Emo Girl had a problem: she didn't have a ride. And so, with the nonexistent hopes of finding a ride to the CD store, Emo Girl put on her beat up Converse and walked down the street.
She was walking past her neighbor's house when she found her neighbor, Emo Boy, crying on the front porch. She stopped there and walked up to him. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"I'm feeling really sad because my fish died a few hours ago," Emo Boy said.
"Wow, that really sucks," said Emo Girl. "How long have you had him?"
"I bought him this morning. He was really cool, he was like my best friend because he listened to everything I said. And now he's gone!"
"Well," she said, "I'm trying to find a ride to the CD store...maybe you can come. Fishes-R-Us is right next door, so maybe you can get a new fish!"
"Okay!" said Emo Boy, and he followed Emo Girl down the street. "Hey," Emo boy said. "Tower Records isn't that far from here. Maybe we can walk."
"But I don't know the way," Emo Girl cried.
"That's okay!" Emo Boy said. "We can ask for directions."
The pair walked down the street towards a main road. In the middle of the road, there was a giant elephant. Why there was a giant elephant in the middle of the road, I do not know. But for some reason, our two heroines decided to approach this giant elephant.
"Can you tell us the way to the CD store?" Emo Boy asked the elephant.
"Yes," the giant elephant replied. I have yet to figure out how the elephant knew English. "You take this road for a few blocks, go through the K-mart parking lot, make a left, walk down a block and then you'll be in a small shopping center. Tower Records is there."
"Why, thank you, giant elephant," Emo Girl said. "Is it possible that we could ride you to the CD store?"
"HELLZ NO!" said the elephant. (Actually, he said something else, but as I said, this has been edited for content). Emo Girl and Emo Boy started to cry, and then walked away with a discouraged and overly dramatic sigh.
They walked a few blocks and reached the K-mart. "We're supposed to make a left here," Emo Boy said.
"I know," Emo girl answered. "But what is this?" A group of shadowy figures were coming towards them in the vacant K-mart parking lot. All of a sudden, four girls and a guy appeared in front of the two emo kids.
"Oh no!" Emo girl whispered. "Gangstas!"
"Yo homie," said one of the guys. "'Dis is our turf, yo. Git off our parking lot before we bust a cap in yo..." Again, this has been edited for content.
"But we need to go through this parking lot to get to Tower Records," Emo Girl whined.
"Dat's not our problem, dawg," said another of the guys. "If you's don't git outta here, we gonna hafta serve you."
"No!" the emo kids screamed. "Anything but that!"
At this point, all five of the gangstas started to dance. A boom box appeared out of nowhere, blasting some songs frequently played on the radio.
"No!" Emo Girl screamed. "Music played on MTV! It hurts my ears!"
"We have to get out of here!" Emo Boy yelled. "Come on!" He grabbed Emo Girl by the wrist and pulled her out of the way. Both of them ran towards the other side of the parking lot, being chased by the five gangstas. But the five gangstas were no match for these kids on an epic quest. Escaping from the parking lot, they soon found themselves along another main road in their town. The street was lined with shops and people walking down the sidewalk, going to who knows and who cares where.
"Hey, I want some Starbucks," Emo Boy said. "Do you have enough money to pay for my coffee?"
"Yeah, hold on," Emo Girl said, reaching into her pockets. All of a sudden...guess what happened??? She started to cry. Again.
"What's wrong?" Emo Boy asked.
"My money's gone! I could have sworn that I had money in my pocket when I left the house."
"Well, I guess we could go back," Emo Boy suggested.
"No!" Emo Girl said. "We've come so far. There has to be a better way."
It was then that Emo Girl spotted an acoustic guitar randomly sitting along the sidewalk. "I have an idea!" he said. "You can play the guitar, and passersby will give me money. We can use that money to buy you the new Hawthorne Heights CD!"
"Hey, that's a great idea," Emo Boy said. "But I can't sing. If I play the guitar, will you sing really sad emo lyrics that will make people cry and give us money?"
"Sure," Emo Girl said.
For about an hour, Emo Boy and Emo Girl played songs on their guitar. I'd sing you the lyrics, but this has also been edited for content. It's not that bad, really, but it's so depressing and deep that it'll make you want to punch a baby.
After an hour, they had about twenty dollars. Finally, they had enough money to buy The Silence in Black and White. They walked down another few blocks, went to Tower Records, and bought the CD. Then, Emo Boy went next door and bought a new fish. Their epic quest was FINALLY over. And then, they went home and cried. And the moral of the story is: "When you feel lost and confused, ask an elephant for directions. Because elephants know everything."