Mirrors & Reflections
He's the kinda guy that is so wrong and so attractive. He's the kinda guy that hates authority and loves to challenge it. He's the kinda guy that is opiniated and gets into trouble. He's the one who people don't like and love to see him fall. He's the kinda guy that every good girl goes through at least once in her life. Just to experience the thrill and the feelings of temptation, but in the end every good girl moves on and settles down with the nice guy.
And here I am, I'm the so-called good girl. In truth I'm not sure if I'm that much of a good girl. Everyone had problems, everyone has secrets and I have mine. But they all presume I'm the good girl, so that is what I am. I'm the good girl with my own mind and ideas. I'm the good girl that is not so good at all. I'm the girl who's image is about to shatter. My friends see it, my friends love it. But my so-called friends aren't my friends at all. They're just there.
School is a hierarchy. School is dominated by the strong and the opiniated. School is ruled by attitude and guts. School is a learning environment and at the same time it's the place where social pressure is at its height. If you're weak, you'll fall. If you're impassive, you'll be pushed around. If you can't voice yourself, you're not part of the in-crowd. Trust me I know so. School is an image. And I live my image perfectly.
He and I are worlds apart. Different crowds, different people, different lives that don't mix. Yet there's a pull between us. The good girl fell for the bad guy and somehow the bad guy fell for the good girl. My friends don't think he's any good. They think he's funny, they like the stunts he pulls. They have a laugh, but they don't like the person he is; they don't care. My best friend in school goes as far as degrading him to filth. She doesn't like him all that much. She always had problems with his 'friends'. Not particular him, but his school friends. 'Cause mind you, he and I are alike. School friends aren't the real deal. School is an image. He lives his perfectly as well. His friends aren't the good types. They're the core. Presumately they don't think anything of me. They know I'm the good girl. Good and bad usually don't mix. They know me. They don't mind me; they don't care either. But fact remains, good and bad don't mix. The hassle is too much if it comes out. The hassle is something we both want to avoid. School is a hierarchy. We both know it all too well and we both play our parts with dedication and perfection. It's a game that's getting quite boring now. But it won't ever stop; just because it isn't an option.
I see him always, he sees me always. In classes, across the halls. Our eyes lock, and we walk by each other without any emotion. We sometimes smirk, not smile. We're biding time sometimes when we feel like it. When no one is there. But the moments are never long; the moments are never in solitude. Sometimes I wonder why I like this guy. Sometimes I remember. Most of the time I live my own life. Sometimes we hook up and have fun. Casual, flirting, tempting. Always. The time we have is ours, the time we have is secret. We're a secret. Not only because of hierarchy only, but also because of culture. I hate and love this secret at the same time. I like the edge of it. A complication, but I like it like that. Complicated, not knowing anything of when and why. I'm risking everything, only for him, because I know it's going to be okay for us. He might be the so-called bad guy and I might be the so-called good girl. The truth is actually we're not that different. Our images precede us; people see and believe what they want. Right now he's the bad guy that will probably end up as a failure. Right now I'm the innocent good girl who's actually not that innocent or good at all. But behind the curtains is a different truth. The real one that no one gets to see.