Author's note: Totally lame. This is horrible and unworthy and I know it…but part of me really had to get this out there. About someone I know...Hope it's not too miserable, and I'm sorry, I'm doing this for myself.
Lately someone really close to me has been talking kind of crazy. She says she has no reason to be here anymore with the rest of us...She used to say suicide was giving up and giving in and now she's dreaming about funerals and flowers and final goodbyes. She says other people think she just wants attention because she doesn't think she's pretty, or smart, and she doesn't know anyone that does think that way about her. She just feels alone, mostly, and abandoned, and the people she says are her best friends always point out what's wrong with her and they think so highly of themselves that the idea that she could be something to anyone is laughable. She believes them because they're her friends and she has every confidence in them and they have to be right. I don't know why she can't ask them why they treat her like she's nothing special when there's nothing wrong with her. She says they make her feel like they can drop her and she's just waiting for the day they will, even though she doesn't want them to. Then she has other friends, and they're not her best friends but they're pretty cool, and she wishes she could talk to them but she's afraid that they'll turn away from her and decide she's too upset or totally crazy and walk away. Sometimes I think she tries to say something and the words get stuck on the tip of her tongue. She gets so scared of what they might say and she doesn't want to tell people the thoughts inside her head because she doesn't think they matter, and I can't find the words to make her see that she's good the way she is because I can't find reasons for the things she's heard from her other friends. I tell her I think highly of her, but how can my words fix what everyone else has done?