Chapter 1

It's raining.

Normally that wouldn't be a problem, because I love the rain. Yes, I love it! I don't care that it messes up my hair and my make-upand makes my ridiculously thin skirt go see-through (Lets not go there. All I will say is that it involved blue underwear with rubber ducks on. I will go no further.) I don't care, I love it!

Yeah, so anyway, it wouldn't normally be an issue, except it is 2:49 in the pm, on a Sunday, and I haven't officially left my bed yet.

I've dragged myself downstairs a couple of times (We have pie in the fridge!Well, we did... Shh.) But apart from that, I am still trapped in the snuggliness. And I can't seem to escape. -Sigh- I need a dashing prince to come and rescue me from my bed (Since when have I ever called anyone dashing??).My evil bed is conspiring with my addictive book to keep me trapped here! Yep, that's their plan.

Every now and again someone comes in and tries to tempt me out, but to no avail. I think I may have to stay here forever.

Ooooh, I have a text message. That freaked me out! (Well, not as bad as the time when I was sleeping with my head on my phone and the alarm went off. In my dream I spent a good few minutes trying to answer the phone mysteriously trapped inside the hood of my coat, but lets not go there. That wasn't as weird as the dream I had last night actually, I had three eyebrows if I can remember correctly. Analyse that, Freud.)

Hmm. Obviously has some deep philosophical meaning, because on the surface it is rather amusing. And amusing things usually have a deeper meaning. Or so I tell myself. "Useless fact 4: Once upon a time there was a magical place where it never rained. The End." Yes, obviously some deep meaning that I can't quite grasp this early in the morning. Afternoon. Whatever.

Shall I text her back? Hmm...Something meaningful..."Plinky-plink fact 1: Once upon a time there was an unusual place where the sky was made of monkeys. The end." Hahaha.

Yoda is watching me disapprovingly. He is sitting on my desk in his swamp-walker and threatening me with his lightsaber. I'm quite afraid, and quite tempted to get out of bed to run away.

Nope. I can't. I will need a slave to bring me grapes to avoid starvation! Maybe I could roll the dashing prince and slave into one? I would never need anything ever again. I would be perfectly content.

Who am I kidding? I would at least need something apart from grapes. Especially as eventually they would shrivel up and become raisins, and we all know what happens if you eat too many raisins... Oh, we don't? Well, raisins are a natural laxative. Or so my friend-who-works-in-a-health-food-shop tells me. I am not willing to test it out.

Grapes would be a bad idea. Maybe chocolates. Or falafel! (I have strange taste in food, I know. How my mind got from chocolate to falafel I will never know.)

So yes, it is raining. Sorry, my misbehaving mind wandered off on a tangent and it took some time-consuming lasso practise before I could effectively catch it and return it to my head. Let me just say it was not very co-operative! If I say trying to convince my eight-year-old brother Aidy that yes, it is a very bad idea to try and climb into the lion pit at the zoo was easier, does that explain how hard it was to get my mind back on track?

Anyway. The rain. Well, it was raining last night, and so I obviously couldn't resist lying in bed listening to it, and fell asleep with a book on my face, and my lamp on. So obviously when I woke up this morning my room was colder than a penguins freezer in december. And Yoda does not approve.

Anyway. My mind made a futile attempt to escape again. Thankfully I have stuffed my ears and nose with cotton wool so he has no chance. None at all. My breathing sound like Darth-Vader now.

Oh dear. My brother has just walked in to see me snorting like a demented pig with rabies, with cotton wool protruding from my ears and nose.

I can't be bothered to explain.

Oh yeah, a lot of the stuff in this chapter has actually happened to me! Yep. The rain, the time, the text message, the skirt, all of it is real. I'm so demented...

I'll update soon if anyone wants to read more!