Inspired by the beautiful song "Blue Light" of Bloc Party
The Bluest Light
You'll find it hiding in shadows
There was the black infinity of the night and not a single star touched it. A pure blanket of darkness sent chills to your whole body. There, in the shadows it laid, you found it hiding behind the moon. So you climbed up the ladder of illusions for the first time and you tried to reach for it. But the only thing you've got was the uncertainty of failure. So you carefully descend the ladder. Once inside normal ground when the concrete was once more plastered to your feet a sense of curiosity overtook you and for a second you thought on climbing once again and claimed for it under the shadows but you were afraid to hold it: the mystery in your hands- so you resigned your quest and hoped for someone stronger to take what you thought you couldn't reached.
But no one did.
You'll find it hiding in cupboards
On the morning crisp frozen day, while you soaked down black coffee down your throat you found it again; hiding inside the cupboard in your hand- and you let go once more; all in one slow motion. The cupboard clinked as it cracked to pieces when it made impact with the floor, and you'd thought your heart would too if you had took it.
you didn't. (Thanks God)
It will walk you home safe every night
It was always there to protect you, even though you never accepted how much you needed it. And so I'd walked you home as I'd walked next to home (you). And you thought about the prize of safety as I embraced you in the night. And you would smell of cigarettes and burning wood. And my nostrils would catch all of your essence and silently I would smile into the night. And you were never able too see how your smell lift up the corners of my lips up to the sky because it was dark into the night.
The night which I protected you from.
It will help you remember
Then my arm would go around your waist - fitting perfectly just like the missing puzzle of your body. I wanted you to remember. It would have been easy for me to tell you but I couldn't. It had to be something you'd figure out for yourself. Yet when you remembered, the missing puzzle wouldn't be a missing puzzle anymore- just a scrap of skin that clung onto your waist and it would be an unnecessary weight.
A weight you didn't want to carry.
But my arm around your waist was- just like coffee in a cupboard.
I always know that when you remember, it would hurt. But that was always the way it had to be.
If that's way it is
Then that's the way it is
that's the way it is.
I still feel you and the taste of cigarettes
The carbone monoxide you exhaled pumped life into my chest. I kept it in my lungs- so close to heart and I hold my breath for the longest time. But once you remembered- I exhaled as well- and as your breath left my lungs suffocation greeted my lungs. And for a while I stopped breathing- until I found your taste once more on the addictive taste of cigarettes.
And this time it was me who had remembered how you smelled as I embrace your slender figure into the night.
And as I realized this, the night was no longer my friend.
What could I ever run to
It wasn't a question what could I ever run to. It was a statement. I needed it to be a statement- because I didn't have answers- I had donated them all to you, so you always had something to say. I know what could I ever run to- and I wasn't afraid, just sad because it would never be you.
Just tell me it's tearing you apart
I just needed to hear that. Those simple words your mouth made out of pride would never let you say.
I needed to hear that it was tearing you apart never having taking it.
I needed to hear you saying it was tearing you apart never having taking me.
"It's tearing me apart. It's tearing me apart. It's tearing me apart not having you."
Sometimes I thought I heard you said it. But then I woke up into the middle of the night covered up in a cold sweat- just to realize for myself; that those words so desperately wanted to hear would never be dialogue- it would always be monologue.
Just tell me you cannot sleep
Sometimes at night I wander in the moonlight and I hide behind the moon- wishing from a ladder to come and pick me up- and it's a dream when I see you climbing up the ladder, but it always turns into a nightmare when you start to descend and remove the ladder so that no one ever be able to climb it.
And then I wake up from my nightmare wishing not to ever sleep again. But then I'm greeted by the cruelest nightmare:
And you didn't even notice
When the sky turned blue
The night covered you up, like the veil covers a never exhibited painting. The darkness covered you with doubts- just like nicotine covered my lungs.
The mist covered you up- just like a blanket covered the mattress of a bed you had never slept in. And the black covered your heart- just like the blue covered the sky.
And you didn't even notice it was already morning.
And you couldn't tell the difference
Between me and you
Finally you graced with your fingers the strings of my hair. You brushed away the feeling of uncertainty. You climbed up the ladder and took me. You repaired the cupboard and you soaked me in. And you learnt to tell the difference between day and night. And our bodies reached perfection; they became one.
And you weren't able to tell the difference between limbs and fingers, and legs and lips between kisses, and arms tangled up together. You weren't able to tell the difference of which were mine and which were yours, because we were like missing pieces finally clasped together.
And I nearly didn't notice
The gentlest feeling
And I nearly didn't notice that this was the gentlest feeling. The gentlest feeling. The gentlest feeling.
And neither morning summer skies nor Pacific Ocean sights were as blue as the color of your eyes.
And you are the bluest light.
You are the bluest light