Many people believe in Fate as an entity that governs their lives. For some, Fate showers them with rewards and shelters them under its wing. For others it can be a driving force of endless mockery and misfortune. This is my Fate…

Fate is a short, pudgy, bald-headed, callous bastard who sits on a large leather swivel chair, chewing on the butt of a Cuban cigar, grinning like a blasted Cheshire cat and utterly smug about his expensive white suit. In fact, he reminds me of Danny De Vito – but that's beside the point. The point is Fate is a shrewd entrepreneur who doesn't do anything for nothing. If someone wants a taste of good fortune then somebody else needs to balance out the expenditure. However, the most notable characteristic has got to be his sick sense of humor.

Fate is incorporeal – he is a personification of a mortal mind – therefore entertainment ought not to be possible… but it is. Upon his ever-changing whim, a single individual is picked and tested in either a single situation or a series of events. The challenge could be subtle to provoke a reaction out of the victim – such as having a girl the individual fancies ask him for advice on another boy she wishes to date. Or, it could be overt and most likely painful. If not, it'll be humiliating. Then again it can be both. No reaction is required – except for the endless tirade of questions on behalf of the victimized. Out of a full crowd, why did I get slapped in the face by a swinging school bag? Why did I have to trip up on my way to class? Why did the ambulance have to run over my foot? Why did the same ambulance have to bang my head with the passenger door? And WHY did it all have to take place on the same bloody day?! Why? Why? WHY?!

Anyway… Fate is not completely heartless. Cruel, callous and shrewd – yes – but not heartless. For those he toys with he grants a small reward – besides surviving the ordeal. This reward makes the person believe that all has been forgiven; that all will return to normal. However, the reward given is often a contract in disguise. Once taken the individual is enlisted into a lifetime of unfortunately lucky episodes. He will be granted a life of humor and a life unlike any other (because nobody in their right mind would actually volunteer to live it).

Fate may have suckered a few people into this lifestyle but the end result has its few benefits. Still, it's not like I can tear up the contract. Looks like I'll be married to Danny De Vito till his cousin Death comes to hand me a different type of contract, one that is as permanent as – no surprise here – death itself.