Remember all those times
when you use to ask me as child what was love? I do.
I remember the mocking smile pasted onto your
face as I looked at you perplexed. I know you had
thought you had won. You must not have known what
that perplexity was. Ofcourse I knew what love
was! I was a child but not a fool. And I remember the
look in your eyes as I would
say those exact words to you. They were filled with sheer hatred and it was laced into your voice as you said 'prove it'. And I did the best I could.
I told you what I thought love was. It was the small things. The look in your eyes as you looked at your one and only. The way you sighed every time you thought about them and the way you felt giddy every time your eyes would meet around the room. I did not miss the amusement in your eyes but I kept on. Love was the way they rememberd all your favorite things like colors
and animals and authors and artist. Love was they way you didn't need memories because your one and only would continue to replay them in real life for you. I remember your words as they struck through me like a knife.
"Dumb child," you would say "That is not love that is childs play. A childs dream from a books pages."
But I still did not believe you were right and went out to prove it. And mother I had found him. My love, my one and only
and he was perfect. He sang to me, he danced with me (though he did not know how). His jokes were bad but they made me laugh till I cried. But he knew everything about me and I knew everything about him and god were we happy.
Mother I was right.
I was right.
Then I was wrong.
Because I married for love and not two years later did
I catch him cheating one me.
"We're not working", he would say "Your like a
completed puzzle, there is nothing left to piece
And he left.
And mother I was sad. DAMN YOU! I was sad. But still it was love at it's finest. Then I rememberd your words. Those words that screwd me up. Those words that made me re-marry. "Love is not those childish things. Love is in fact non existant." you sighed and when I looked into your eyes there was pity,
"If you marry for those things you are sure to get hurt."
And you were right. But you continued.
"Love is...a bad thing. It's a sin and a snake. Oh god
I know how it feels so wonderful in the beging. I know
because I thought those thoughts and I dreamed those
dreams. In fact I married my dreams, but in the end it
is nothing but lies, scemes and heart aches."
Mother...You never did tell me how you knew all those
"Look at me now though," you said with a smile "I'm
married again and it's not for love and look at how
contempt I am! I live in a big house, with maids and
wonderful food. I go out to high standerd meetings and
parties. I'm a some body now and you will be too."
You married for money mother and I remember as I child I thought you were wrong. And I still do but I can't help but be content where I am now. I've married for money and me and my husband get along and he's so happy because I've given him the most beautiful looking baby boys. Twins mother.
But mother... as right as you were in the begining you are wrong now. I may have married for money and I may have been
content but now...now I'm in love and I've been in love since the day he was there when I had my first set of boys. Because mother, that day he help my hand and pet my hair, he kissed my nose and looked into my eyes...and he smiled. And the boys were born.
And before I blacked out I saw him there holding them both and looking at me crying.
He looked so happy but sad at the same time. And as I began to feel dizzy I knew why.
"I love you" I mouthed.
And he smiled and mouthed it too.
Mother...That's when I died.