Its the silence that always breaks me

I felt his thighs go rigid

underneath my kiss.

I heard his silence

like a scream

and I breathed

broken

lips

to part

for me

and him

when we act like this;

(crazy, sometimes, all the time.)

He doesn't resist

and I keep going

we find our way

without help,

fingertips

butterfly

soft,

lips

slippery enough

to slide across.

I wait for sound

like a deaf

child

waits for the slow movement of her hands.

I'm always waiting

it seems.

I'm too alive now

to lie down and sleep

but I sit real quite

when he falls asleep with his arm around me.

We don't talk

when we touch,

but our movements caress

like emotion

untainted

taunting,

daunting

whatever it is that we are

when it gets dark.

I'm too filled

to feel hungry for this;

like I was when I was younger

(when I was seventeen I made love like a caterpillar)

I would stretch myself out

and not fold back up for days.

People have always remarked on my stillness

my temper

and my quickness of spirit.

I cannot break the cycle-

no, I cannot break the chain

sometimes I act so much like my father

that all I can feel is shame.

I have so much left to learn

and so much more to say.

But I sit silent

with a hundred half written poems

of wishes

and dreams

that I had once wished to say,

I write

with the same passion

that I once gave to God

when I prayed.

People reach out to me,

to save

and

repave

me,

change everything

that keeps me breathing.

(People never realize that when you say "I want to save you" they really mean that they want to break you apart, put your smile up on the wall and hang it like art, throw you like a dart until they hit the bulls eye. Try and save me, if you think you can.)

I feel his kiss

like "Farinelli" sweetest note sung

to shatter me,

I'll be with him forever;

sometime

soon?

Pick up the remaining scattered pieces of me

before I shake away

break

away,

make

my way

away

from you.

I feel connected to something greater then myself

when he falls inside me

like raindrops

in my rainbows;

we fit

perfectly

when we are one person;

our heartbeats

like twins

beat with the same rhythm.

If I am a sin

now

as I was

in the hour of my birth

then

I guess you win.