Allow Me To Explain

You came back to be my "friend"

But I feel you are trying to take advantage of me

I'm not some toy for you to play with

I'm not a porcelain doll to be admired

I do love you of course but as a brother

Your lust for me still frightens and disgusts me

It appalled me when you said what you wanted me to do

If you had real love for me you wouldn't say such things

You wouldn't think such horrid thoughts

This is your last chance

Either you stop treating me as your plaything

Or I end our friendship for good

I tried to tell you before but you pushed me

I believed your lies, thinking you truly loved me

That your compliments were truth

You confused me but my mind knows better

Although I can only offer you prayers

I hope you realize the guilt you caused me

I shall heal in time, bellisimo

But for now love is foreign to me

Either you stop treating me as your plaything

Or I end our friendship for good

I tried to tell you before but you pushed me

I believed your lies, thinking you truly loved me

That your compliments were truth

You confused me but my mind knows better

Although I can only offer you prayers

I hope you realize the guilt you caused me

I shall heal in time, bellisimo

But for now love is foreign to me

A language I won't understand again for a while until I am fluent once more.

So I have turned away from romance

I have become ice and winter

Someday the warmth of spring shall return
Yet for this time remains hidden

But I shall always pray for you

Although you have never listened or cared for me,

Enemies too, I always treat as equals.

December 3, 2005