What Does It Mean To Love?

Summary: Do you love me? I was so stupid! I actually said that! And, like any sane seventeen year old boy, he freaked out and dumped me. Left me in tears and in a puddle of heartache. Because of four, stupid, little words. I thought I loved him. But, it seems that maybe I didn't. Maybe it was all just an illusion. Maybe I had loved the idea. I don't know. But it isn't like the movies. I don't feel like my heart is broken. I feel like an idiot, and my heart aches a little around the edges, but it doesn't feel like I'm going to die from the pain. So, I guess I didn't really love him after all. But if that wasn't love, then what is? And why is the new boy following me around? Can't he see I just got out of a major relationship? But no, I had to let my big, stupid mouth get away from me AGAIN, like it wasn't bad enough the first time, and ask him the stupidest question of all time. What does it mean to love? So, now, he's decided to teach me. But that isn't what's scaring me. What's scaring me is that I think it's working, and I'm afraid I'm the only one falling...

Prologue: Stupid, Stupid, STUPID!

Okay, hi, my name is Belle. Yeah, weird, but hey, you should hear my parents' names! They're Venus and Malik Yanowitz! Seriously! And, yeah, I'm Belle Yanowitz, pretty much last in everything since teachers go by alphabetical order so often. I'm five foot, four inches, which means I'm almost always stuck looking up at someone, and am seventeen. I'm size five with long black hair, and violet eyes. My boyfriend, excuse me, ex-boyfriend's name is Matt Johnson. A nice normal name, don't you think?

Well, since it's kind of vital to the whole story, I should tell you about my break up.

But it's not gonna be fun.

Alright, well, I was at this party with him and he was showing me off to all his jock friends, and, yes, I am popular, just not outrageously so. Anyway, he was joking around about the game last week, or whatever. I wasn't paying much attention. Then, his friends all took off with whatever flavor of the week they had chosen, and did things I did NOT want to know about.

Anyway, Matt and I went outside together and started making out. It felt really good, and then he was putting his hand up my shirt, and his other hand down my pants, and touching me. And I moaned. But that isn't the bad part. The bad part is that I moaned words. And not just any words, either. Oh, no. I said the big ones.

"Oh! Oh, Matt, baby, baby, do you love me?"

Well, can you guess what happened? Yeah, his whole body froze. Like a giant ice cube, froze. My eyes popped open, realizing what I said. I tried to apologize, but there was no way to take the words back. It was ruined. Matt had gotten the heebie-jeebies and he, just like all the guys my age, was a commitment-phobic. He broke up with me so fast, it could make your head spin.

So, here I am boyfriend-less. That night, I went straight to my best friend's, Kelly's, house. She opened her door, and I pretty much tackled her, sobbing wildly.

"M…Matt b…b…broke u….u…up w…with ME!"

She pushed me off of her, looked straight into my face and said, "Is that all?"

I just stared at her, shocked. Is that all? Is that ALL!?! What in the hell did she mean, is that all?


She rolled her cornflower blue eyes at me, like I was being so dense and unreasonable. Like it was so obvious, how could I not see it.

"I mean, is that all? You're sobbing into my favorite shirt all because that idiot of a boyfriend, I'm sorry, ex-boyfriend, of yours dumped you. I mean, come on. I thought you were stronger, not to mention smarter than that, Belle. There are kids in Ethiopia who are starving to death, and you're worried about the fact that that moronic quarterback dumped you?"

I stared at her, shocked. I couldn't believe her. How could she say that? About me? About Matt? We'd gone out for two years, for goodness sakes. Why shouldn't I be sad he dumped me?!?

"Don't cry over him, Belle. Shoot, I suggest you celebrate. You're way too good for that jerk anyway."

With that, she pushed me out the door, and closed it in my face.

And that's my best friend, ladies and gentlemen! What a pal, huh?

I stared at the closed door for a few seconds, then turned around, fresh tears coming to my eyes. I'd opened myself up, showed my vulnerability twice in one night, and was shot down both times. Sure, Kelly had been way nicer about it, especially compared to Matt. But getting dumped is getting dumped. It always hurts.

But, you should have heard Matt! It was humiliating!

"Um, yeah. Belle, honey, I like you and all, but I'm just not ready for anything like love. I'm sorry, honey, but I think you're getting too serious, and I don't want to break your heart anymore than I have to, so, I think it's best if we go our separate ways. By the way, is that girl, Kelly, free? Cause maybe we could go out some time. Get back to me, alright? Peace."

And he turned around and walked away. HE TURNED AROUND AND WALKED AWAY! That jerk turned down that he loved me after two years together, dumped me, and asked out my best friend all in the space of five minutes.

So, yeah. How stupid am I? Opening myself up like that, letting anyone see me that vulnerable. How stupid could I be? How could I actually ask my boyfriend if he loved him, for goodness sakes? I'm only sixteen, as my mom tells me about ten times every day. How could I actually be so stupid as to ask a seventeen year old guy if he loved me? Everybody knows teenage guys are afraid of commitment.

What I did was stupid, stupid, STUPID! And I'm not usually that stupid. I'm actually pretty bright, if you discount my ditzy, blonde moments. My friends tell me I should be a blonde all the time.

So, yeah, that's what started this whole mess. My big mouth. And my idiotic head. And, who can forget, those stupid teenage hormones.

A/N: Okay, ANOTHER story to add to the list. I'm just so evil, aren't I? You guys are going to have to remind me to update my other stories. I'm a complete ditz! SORRY!

Well, tell me what you think! Please? And, by the way, give me a good review, and I just might add your name to the story! You'll be one of my friends, or maybe a new best friend, since Kelly is such a biatch, and Belle will need someone a little more sentimental in her times of need. And, if you're a guy, you want to suggest you name, or, if you're a girl, you want to suggest your boyfriend's name or whatever, just tell me it, and maybe I'll make it the new guy's name who she falls for, or one of his friends or something!


Luv ya,

Tashi :)