"And shocks went through my face now

that she's gone; I'm sleeping with the lights on."

- Busted

He looked at the photo. Feeling a sense of...maybe sadness at the couple smiling back at him. It had been so long and yet, in his hands, it seemed like a day hadn't passed since then.

There she was, that unique half-smile gracing her face. Copper-haired girl of his adolescent years. He chuckled mirthlessly to himself. Half-smirk you mean. She had never been overtly pretty, surrounded by friends of hers who were clearly more aethestically-blessed but there was just something about her- something that would slowly grow on you. Before you knew it, hook, line and sinker. He knew it first hand.

How long had it been? 10-12 years maybe since he had last heard from her. And after the second year, he had given up any hope that he would ever hear from or see her again. Ever since then, life had gone on as usual, he'd gone to college, gotten a job and now…now, he was back making wedding arrangements. His very own. Looking back at the photo, he wondered if she had finally forgiven him after all these years. Recalling her feisty temper, he concluded she probably hadn't.

"Baby, where are you?" he quickly put the photo back in the box and closed the cupboard doors, " baby? Oh there you are. Your mom and dad are waiting for us downstairs for dinner." Looking towards the doorway, he saw his fiancée, beautiful as ever, smiling tenderly at him. It struck him at this very moment how lucky a guy he was to have her. How perfect she was, leaning against the doorway like a lazy angel and it melted his heart, causing other thoughts to be temporarily stored in the recesses of his mind. Striding across the expanse of his old room in just two steps, he leaned down and planted a quick kiss on her lips, " I'll be done in a few more minutes, you go on without me first. "

Watching her go downstairs, he shook his head aimlessly. What's the matter with me? Unable to resist the urge, he took out the yellowed box once more and opened it, coming face-to-face with that same picture. It made no sense why after all this time, he was suddenly having these strange feelings again about…her. He didn't even know exactly what it was he was feeling. Sadness? Loss? Hate? …Love?

All he knew was, whenever he thought about her, whenever he remembered, he always slept with the lights on.

"Santa Claus won't make me happy

With a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you."

-Mariah Carey

"Make my wish come truueee...all I want for Christmas is youuuu!!!" That infectious song always made her sing and Sara smiled. Christmas had always been her favourite time of year. The mindless eating, ridiculous good cheer and rambunctious friends who returned from all parts of the world to celebrate together. This was what heaven would feel like surely.

Looking around her apartment, a smile of satisfaction flitted across her face. She had worked hard for 8 years before saving enough to get her own place. It wasn't anything really, with its small kitchen and even smaller bathroom but it was a start and more importantly, all her own. Feeling somewhat nostalgic, as the end of year always made her, she scrimmaged around her boxes of photos. Looking at the labels, she couldn't suppress an unlady-like snort, Drrrunken reveries!, Various naked blackmail fodder, Pig feed, EX-files…wait a minute, Pig feed?

Somehow, she couldn't remember what this one contained and judging from the frayed tips of the box and the slight fact that it was about to split apart if she didn't handle it gently; she was guessing it had been a while. Experiencing that familiar part excitement, part dread that every child feels when opening their first Christmas present, Sara took the top off and for a while, remained rooted to the spot, cross-legged and with one hand holding the cover in mid-air. Of all things imaginable or beyond imagination, this had to be the least expected. Gabriel…

Smiling photos, laughing photos, intimate photos. They were all here, in colour and in monotone. The captured stills of what had essentially been the bungee-jump of her life. She honestly thought she had forgotten him but all it took was a slideshow of these photos to confirm otherwise. She found herself remembering the way he walked in those long side-strides, that face-splitting smile he put up when he was trying to cheer her up and most of all, that huge nose of his. It's hilarious what you remember sometimes.

What's it been? A decade..or more? She wondered what he was up to at this very moment, where he was, whether he was seeing someone special. Time had dulled what had once been a burning hatred towards him and now, it was more a simple issue of curiosity on her part. Snapping out of her own musings, she went back to the photos and noticing a faded manila envelop buried under the mess; took it out and blew the dust off. For when I'm strong enough. Interesting, what could this possibly contain? Taking out the contents, her breath hitched in her throat. Photos, more photos and words. But it was really the first one that caught her attention. It had the two of them, sitting on the edge of a bed, faces turned towards one another.

"So you think you can handle me?" she teased with a smile.

"You mean like you just 'handled' me back then?" he replied without missing a beat.

And she'd blushed, for the first time, utterly speechless.

At that precise moment, someone had taken the photo. And Sara could still see the tinge of pink on the tips of her cheekbones immortalized, she realized with a groan. Her eyes, having had enough of analyzing her old self, came finally to rest on him. Gabriel. Her best friend and first lover. Make that ex-best friend. There he was- in his full glory. That girl-melting smile of his for the world to see sporting almost perfectly symmetrical features. He had always been a looker she smiled with slight bitterness. After all this time, she was surprised she still felt it. That bitter edge to an unhappy ending. Her eyes momentarily darkened as she remembered the last time she had seen him and she consciously pushed that memory away. 10 years ago, Sara had made a promise to herself that no matter what had happened that day, she would never let it affect her love for Christmas. At first, it had been hard- very hard but with time, she had managed. And she wasn't going to let one lousy photo ruin all that effort. With a frustrated huff, she stuffed the contents back into the envelop and placed the box back with the others. It was late, and she didn't want to risk dwelling further in her memories. Turning off the lights in her living room, she retreated into her bedroom and tucked herself into bed. Dialling a phone number she knew by heart, a lazy smile crept up when a familiar voice spoke on the other side.

"Hey sexy."

"How did you know it was me? It could have been your mother you know and what would she have said!"

She heard a throaty chuckle on the other side before her fiancé replied.

"Ever heard of caller id? Anyways, excited about seeing me in two days?"

"What do you think. I've missed you, hurry up alright?"

"Yeah yeah. I'll move my ass just for you. Listen, I have to go to a meeting in 5. I'll talk to you soon? And Sara, I love you. "

"I love you too Paul, just-I can't wait. Well, I'll see you soon."

With a click and a longing sigh, Sara stretched over and switched off the lamplight. Snuggling deeper into her blankets, she soon felt the heavy drag on her eyelids. Closer..closer to oblivion. Mmm..sleee-

RING! RING!

What the fuck?! Turning over, the red digits of the clock screamed 2:30am. A strange terror gripped at her heart. Could something have happened to Paul? Her parents? Trying to untangle herself from the blankets she reached out and grabbed the phone frantically.

"Hello? Who's this? What's wrong?" Her words coming out in mangled, rushed spurts.

"Sara, is that you?" A strangely familiar male voice replied.

Oh God. She had to be dreaming.

"Gabriel?"

"Yeah, um..hi. I didn't wake you up did i?"

It figured, he always did have the worst timing.