carousel

i'm dreaming.

i must be, because you're looking at me and holding my hand like you never want to let go

and you're telling me i'm the only one for you.

and we fit and we match, exactly, like i always knew we would, and we are more together than we have ever been and i'm happier than i ever thought i could be. you are, too. i can see it. and your lips are moving but i'm not hearing you because i'm too wrapped up in your eyes that are holding me in an embrace that i can't see, but i can feel, ever so gently.

and God, i love you so much.

now we're spinning and i'm dizzy with you, because we are on a carousel together and i don't want to get off. we go up, down, round and round, over and over, and i don't ever want to stop.

hang on to your white horse and follow me. i'll be looking back at you the entire time. and maybe i'll tell mine to stop and maybe somehow you'll catch my hand and i'll slip on behind you and we can ride off into the sunset like we were always meant to do, thank you very much.

and it's fate, i swear. it's love and it's fate and it's real and sooner or later you'll realize that. because we were made for each other, you and i. the tides can turn and the stars can disappear but you and i will still be there. forever.

...but it's still a dream and i'm still in bed and i know this, but i don't want to open my eyes. because he loves me and this is all i ever wanted and i'm pushing through mist to get to him and suddenly i'm staring at my ceiling and gray dawn is slipping past the shades and i want to cry, because suddenly, he's gone. and i'm alone, hiding under the covers and hoping against all hope that i'm just dreaming again.

he dumped her for me. then i woke up.

-

9.27.05.