All that I wanted

How hard is it?

To be released

From what you thought was on going?

To leave one behind

Whom you thought would be never,

Then see in your heart

That he could be forever.

He was all that you wanted.

He was kind. He was sweet.

He listened to your problems,

Wording them to sleep.

His eyes were deep and full of warmth.

His comfort was ongoing.

You prayed and prayed that he would speak.

That love would start to be showing.

But it did not, and so now you have Phil,

A cute guy with brains lacking power—for real,

He knows you exist…to a certain extent,

But if you were to leave—his feelings would not be meant.

He never says hello. Barely smiles that much,

And yet you hear a "Merry Christmas!" from your length crush.

"I'm over him!" I tell myself.

And yes, it may be true,

But only cause…I'm afraid of loving anew.

The new guy shows no promise.

No guarantees he'll bring.

So, I can gladly crush on him,

Without hoping to joyfully sing.

The old one, however, is showing hope, I know,

And I'm scared that that hope is true.

I'm scared he may fill that role.

I'm scared of loving anew.

For I made a fool of myself, last year

Choosing love over reality,

And I'm scared of trying to return to that place…

Of trying to make me free.

I'm trapped between my needs and desires.

Why must I love both this way?

I'm sick of the lies,

And over-emphasized feelings.

I just want a love to be mine, to sway.

He's everything I want,

Minus conversation,

But new guy seems good…

Why must I have confrontation?!?

Save me from this constant battle!

Save me from this lie!

My heart and soul are squishing life,

They're forcing my freedom to cry.