But:


It was never supposed to turn out this way.

I mean, sure I had suspected it, but I never thought that it would come out.

I just read something that could change something with someone that I thought things were going good with. I don't really want it to change, but a part of me just wonders if it was only working so well because of what that someone wrote.

But I actually don't know if I believe that... of it's simply an excuse.

This is confusing me. I don't like getting confused. It messes with my head.

I wish that I could talk to him right now. But he's not online and that's the only way we've ever really talked.

I could email him, but I want to do this right.

But I guess I need to think first. About what I want to say.

Because otherwise I'll say something stupid. And things will fall apart.

And I don't want it to be like that.

In some other time, in some other life, maybe things could have been perfect.

Why me? I never thought it would happen to me.

I just thought that I could just be me, and live being me, without having to think about these other things.

But then I guess things started to change.

We're not exactly friends right now, which saddens me.

But what can I do about it?

Maybe I should just email him. It can't be that hard.

Maybe I should-

He's online. I don't want to. Not yet...

I'm opening the window now, just leaving it open.

I think I know what to say. Actually, I don't... But I'm going to say something anyway.

Pause.

Too late. He just went offline.

But what if...

He's back.

I begin to type.


Yeah... this is real. For those of you who know me, go figure. Read blog. It might make more sense. Maybe you can already tell.

Review responses for Regretful Night:

penami: yeah... sigh. Too... yeah. and will see you tomorrow and tell you how all this goes.

MIDNIGHT-PIXIE: yes you! Catch up!

p-y-a: I should probably update you... later. Letting go... that's proving to be hard right now.

RoseofFlame: This isn't written in quite the same style... but hope it's good enough. Thanks for your review.

OBK