Bread here.

Firstly, before anything, I must remind all readers that this is a fictional piece of work. Any injury, hair loss or pregnancy caused by following this guide is strictly the responsibility of the reader. I do not want your babies.

I have finally gotten around to fixing up the spelling errors and the atrocious attempts at humor in this written piece. Again, I am not picky about reviews, and I will certainly not stop you from reviewing my stories. The shovel in the garage does not have drying reviewer blood on it. No, that dark blob is not someone's spleen.

The aim of this guide is to have more people reviewing. Why? Because sitting in front of the computer for hours on end typing reviews and growing apathetic is the perfect way for me to brainwash you all into believing that you are my monkey minions ready to do my bidding should I be so inclined as to want to rule the world one day. Your trigger word is Grandma's Popsicle Nipple. Look forward to that.

You're reading, but not reviewing. Statistics show that for every 10 readers of internet stories, only 2 to 4 reviews are ever received (yeah, I just made that up, but you know it's true). I believe that the two main causes of this phantom readership are lack of confidence and cheapskatism. If you are a cheapskate, go back to your hole of stinginess and rot in your cheapness, but if you are just not confident in your reviewing abilities, I have put together a guide that may aid you to become a more efficient reviewer. I am also wide open to further suggestions. Two minds are better than one, unless they inhabit the same body.

For WyrdWolf and Pink Sparrow