"You can fuck me if you promise not to feel"
You laugh with her, here, nervous and relieved
As she kisses you, dangerous
A world that's dark and soft and so taboo
Best hope your parents don't come in
- and see you writhe beneath her touch –
They wouldn't like that.
She's your best friend and your experiment
But she doesn't care
She's happy to show you her world
Happy for an excuse to have you in a way you wish she didn't
But she's made you promise not to feel
And her eyes will be empty by morning
Familiarity replacing lust
So its ok.
Its ok, you tell yourself, over and over and forget
Your boyfriend doesn't need to know
And her other friends know this routine as well.
She loves and leaves because
As you haven't realized
She knows not to expect anything in return
Defenses, wall built by the things she wants to keep out
But you don't think about this
She's your best friend, your ally, your life support
You give each other what you can.
What you don't know – what she doesn't know
Conspire in a love that's twisted and addictive.
It isn't happiness, but it comes close.