She's in my room right now, lightly snoring while she sleeps on the mattress that we moved in here at around midnight yesterday. She was complaining about not being able to sleep. I am not sure what's really wrong with her, but I don't want her to continue complaining, so I agreed to let her stay in here with me. It's a small room; with the mattress in here there is no room to move around, if I have to pee in the middle of the night or anything, I guess I'll just have to step on her. Really, it would only be her own fault, if she wasn't so insecure, maybe then she could sleep by herself. It's not like she was that far away from me to begin with, after all her room is right next to mine, if anything were to happen to her, all I had to do was stumble out of my bed and open my door and I would find out what was wrong with her. I don't know though, I guess that since I sleep with my door closed she figured that I wouldn't be able to hear her or something. I can't believe she is still sleeping, sometimes that girl amazes me, it's two o'clock in the afternoon, and she has been sleeping soundly for at least ten hours now, I couldn't do I'd go insane. I don't want to wake her up though; if I did we would just end up fighting again. So instead of going out of my room to go pee, take a shower, and all that other good stuff, I have been laying in my bed for five hours, just waiting for her to wake up. That's my sister for you, even when she is sleeping all that she thinks about is herself.

Kade Ilene Rogers, that's the name my parents, well really my mother, decided to place upon me. Kade, yea I know it's a boy's name, and well maybe I haven't clarified that I am not a boy yet, but I guess I could do that now—I am not a boy. Here's a little lesson in etymology while I am at it, Kade is an old English nickname which unfortunately means round, and yea I am pretty sure my parents got a kick out of that when I was born. Well I guess I should probably explain why that would be funny, well I guess it would be the simple fact that I am nowhere near round, hell, I am downright skinny, and trust me, it's not the "good" kind of skinny. I am a twig, no curves, hips, waist—boobs, yes the most important thing that any girl could have, and I have not had the pleasure of having them. Sigh, how unfortunate I truly am. Okay, I know that was a little, well really it was more than a little, over dramatic. I'm not really that way though, most the time I like to consider myself a sort of feminist—equal rights, better pay, riots, stand ins, really all that good stuff. Anyway I think that all that really doesn't matter that much, I guess it's part of who I am but at the same time I don't like to be defined by all those trivial things. The physical, that's where I was and I guess I could try and make myself sound a little more pleasant, but that doesn't mean that I am going to lie. I'm on the short side, well really I lived most my life thinking that I was tall but then just last year I was told that I was really short, well honestly I think that 5'5 is a respectable height, so there. I have dark brown hair, and I guess I could say it was shoulder length, pair that with my dark brown eyes and my pale, yet tan skin and you have me down to the mark. Oh and I guess I should mention the freckles, it's not really a dusting of them, they are not the speckles over the nose or any of that, really I only have a few and they are pretty big, they look like beauty marks, but I call them freckles. I remember when I was little my sister used to love them and tell me how cute I was, but now it seems that we've switched roles, now she is the one who needs the reassurance. Honestly, I'm perfectly fine with who I am.

She's still sleeping, I am hoping that she'll wake up soon though, because I am not sure if I can hold it anymore, I knew I should not have drank that extra glass of water last night. I'm starting to feel a bit claustrophobic in this small room, there just isn't enough room for both of us, and I mean, I guess there is enough room, I just want my space back. I have grown used to the idea that this is my room and I no longer have to share. The mental and emotional me, I think that I could use that as my second step, kind of like on of those recovery programs, but all I am trying to do is keep my attention away from the growing discomfort in my bladder. I'm mentally stable, I know that may seem like I weird way to start off, but if you lived with my family, well really it's just my sister now, then you would know why I decided to start there. I like my distance, I am not a hermit, or a sociopath, but sometimes I just like to have some alone time, I just like to think about things alone sometimes. I'm studying philosophy so I guess the alone time goes hand in hand with that thought. Philosophy sounds like a waste of time doesn't it, I thought so too, but I didn't after that first introduction course my freshman year in college I got hooked, and here I am now my sophomore year and I am still hooked, I know one year, big deal. Well a year is a big deal to me. I guess I could add to this that I am very indecisive, well not really, it's only about some things, but those things seem to be the most important. Okay well I am rambling now so I am going to stop with the mental and emotional, I guess that'll all come with time.

The history that sounds like a good place to go into, mind you I am not going to go into excruciating detail, because I don't think that I will have enough time for that, because I am still hoping that she will wake up soon. I really do have to use the bathroom. Well anyway, I was born right here in Florida, the specifics are irrelevant so I won't bother with that. I'm the youngest of three, there's my older brother, Irvine, I haven't seen him in ages, but when he was around things were wonderful, I love him so much, but that life is over now, so I don't really like to look back. The next one would, the lovely lady currently sleeping on my floor, Jolie, the gracious queen. See that's the name my parents got right, oh and in case I forgot to mention it, yes my parents were completely insane, they had this crazy alphabet obsession, I, J, and K. Yea I'm sure they are still laughing about that one, where ever they may be. My parents, I don't really want to go into it, but I think it's important. Well here goes, my parents are dead, yes dead; it's been that way for five years now. Jolie was graduating from high school when they left us; I mean none of it was on purpose, who knew that drugs were bad, and that driving under the influence of said drugs was even worse. I was fourteen years old, and yes that does make me nineteen. I still remember everything about that day, but I don't feel that I should dig up any of that, I don't think I am ready yet. Irvine was done with school when it happened, actually when they died Irvine was somewhere in Europe, he didn't find out about the accident until a few months after when he came back home. Most have been weird for him, coming home only to find out that his parents were dead and both his sisters were sent to a foster home. I was in a foster home for four months, before Irvine came and got me, Jolie wasn't with me, sometimes I think that was for the best, I needed my space.

Well Irvine finally came and "rescued" me and by some small miracle he was able to get some money out of our prudish grandparents, who hated us because of our father, he was a rebel, knocked-up my mom and they were still sore about the whole ordeal. We moved into a small apartment, I was sharing a room with Jolie, I hated it. I think this is why she is sleeping on the floor in my room right now, I think that because of all that history my sister is too afraid to sleep in her own room, she is afraid that one morning she is going to wake up and I am no longer going to be here, just like Irvine. Irvine, I miss him, I really do, but then again I don't blame him for leaving, who would. Our living conditions suck, we are still in that same apartment that we got when Irvine came back, and it's small but not too bad. It has all the essentials: kitchen, bathroom, two rooms and the living room. Jolie's art work covers most of the walls, she's a wonderful artist, when she gets the inspiration that is, and there is even a mural in my room. Irvine used to love that mural, he helped her design it and paid for the supplies, it was a big surprise for my 17th birthday, two years now--it's been two years. It hurts more to think about Irvine leaving then my parent's death, he left by choice, and I can't help but wonder if he regrets that choice. I wonder if he is going to come back again, just like when he rescued me, there couldn't be a better time then now.

Okay, well I guess I already have a confession to make, and yes I do this often, sometimes I just want my life to sound more interesting then it really is. I am not studying philosophy although if I had the money to be in school that's what I would be studying. Unfortunately I don't have the money and honestly I don't have the time. I am currently working two jobs; I cashier at the local grocery store in the mornings and wait at a small bar downtown at night, it all really sucks, but I have to pay rent and feed Jolie and myself. She can't seem to hold a job down, and she's the one who got to go to school, she was able to get her bachelor's degree and everything. Photography, that was here weapon of choice, but she just can't hold down a stable job, the small ones she can handle but the steady paying ones always end up being too much for her. I'm not bitter about it though, I have both my jobs and I should consider myself lucky considering the times. Living in a small town it is sometimes hard to find one good job, but by some small miracle I was able to find the job at the grocer's when I was 16 and I started waiting as soon as I turned 18; that is when the money that Irvine had left began to wear down. One thousand dollars and the promise that he would never return, that's what he left us with. I wish I could do the same, just leave Jolie with a thousand dollars and then pack my bags and be gone, but I can't do that to her, I'm all she has left, and there's no way that I am going to get one thousand dollars, I still don't know how Irvine got that money, and part of me feels like I don't really want to know. But that's all in the past now, and it really doesn't matter, knowing where the money came from isn't going to change anything about my life. I mean after all, I've already spent all that money, either on groceries or the rent—spent money means nothing to me.

She's lightly stirring now, I think that if I make a slight sound she may wake up and I'll finally be able to get out of bed. Maybe I should clear my throat or something, or maybe I should just kick her and then when she wakes up I'll pretend to be asleep so she won't yell at me. Really, this whole ordeal is ridiculous, this is my room, I should be able to get out of bed whenever I want to.

"Jolie, wake up! For God's sake you have been sleeping half the day, I can't take it anymore, if you don't get up in two seconds I am going to step all other you!" There I finally got it out of my system, now all I have to do is get out of this damn bed.

"Jolie, I already warned you, I'm getting up now and I don't care if I hurt you when I am walking through, I just can't take anymore of this lazing about, move onto my bed if you want but I am getting out of here." I am trying to carefully step around her but it's almost impossible because she is sprawled out across the entire mattress. Almost there, I can see the carpet beyond the tangle of blankets, just a few more steps. I decided on taking one big step so that I wouldn't crush my sister, I mean I don't weigh that much but really it's just the principle. I was just about to step out onto the carpeted area, when something caught on my leg and a tumbled down half on top of Jolie and half on the floor. I can hear her laughing now, figures that she would do something so sinister when I was actually trying to be nice.

"Kade, why are you such a pain? You couldn't just let me sleep a few more minutes; I would have woken up on my own eventually!" I was trying so hard to be civil but no she had to ruin everything, she always has to go around making me the bad guy.

"You've been sleeping half the day, I need to go the bathroom, and the only way that I can get out of this room is by walking on your damn mattress." She's giving me that look, the one she uses when I am being too harsh, but honestly all I said was the truth, sometimes I just can't handle these situations. These are the times that we both need Irvine, or really we just need anyone who can serve as a mediator, we shouldn't have to be fighting all the time. Jolie and I simply need someone to keep an eye on us, yea, I know we are too old for a babysitter, but sometimes I think that, a baby sitter is just what we need.

"Are you going to answer me Kade, why are you so weird, why can't you just give me a straight forward answer? You're not older than me, I mean I should have all the control; I should be the one telling you right from wrong, not the other way around. Kade listen to me." All I can do is shrug my shoulders and walk out of the room; she is just upset that I woke her up before three. I am pretty sure she'd get over it, especially if she is hungry, she won't eat unless I make her something and I won't cook for her if she is yelling at me.

Finally, the glorious bathroom, I've been waiting for this moment for five hours, stupid Jolie and her stupid sleep, I could've suffered serious bladed damage because of her. I've decided to take a shower while I am locked up in the bathroom, it'll give Jolie more time to cool down, and she's always easier to deal with when she's had a chance to wake up a little. Plus, I could use a shower, something to calm me down a bit, I'm already tired again, and I've only been out of bed for ten minutes. She's going to be the death of me.

The more I think about it, the more I wish that there was something out there that could save me from this life that I am trapped in. If only Irvine would come back, I am willing to apologize now; I am no longer the foolish child that I was when he left. It's funny actually Irvine and I used to get along so well, but in the end it was because of me that he left. I was stupid back then

I was seventeen and I thought that I knew everything that there was to know, yes, I was one of those girls, the kind that thought that I could get whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. When I look back now I realize that I was a lot like Jolie, but for some reason me and Irvine got along much better than he did with her. I guess they were just too different, he was always about his studies and seeing the world, and Jolie only thought about boys and parties. Where does that leave me, well I think I am in between, well I was in between, now I am more like Irvine, but I think that is because I am trying to fill in his shoes. I want to be the caregiver and the leader.