(A/N: This is very loosely based off of something that happened to my uncle. Enjoy.)

Riiing, riiiing.

What was with people and calling during dinnertime? Ring, ring. Jake sighed and rose to his feet. Ring, ring…Really, what was so urgent that people felt it necessary to disturb his mealtimes? Ring, ring…Unless there was a death in the family, there was really no need to be so inconsiderate.


"Hello! May I speak to Jake Bloom, please?" came the bright, chipper voice of a college girl. It sounded a bit too bright, like she had been calling too many houses that day and been just a bit too chipper for too long.

"You're speaking to him," he said, his own voice tinged with impatience.

"Well, Mr. Bloom, did you know that for a limited time only, Scroover Vaccuums is offering two bonus nozzles free with your purchase of a Scroover 300 or Scroover 750. And, if you use your MasterCard--"

"Look, miss," said Jake, "I don't need a vacuum, and besides, I'm a bit busy now."

"--But, if you use your MasterCard, we'll include a MiniScroover!" The poor girl was getting a bit flustered by this point. Apparently she was never told what to say if her potential customer clearly had no interest in the product.

"Look, look. I don't need a vacuum." He almost felt sorry for the girl.

"But if you use your MasterCard--!"


"So, I'm busy now, so I'll let you go." He started to pull the phone away from his ear when a teary-sounding plea emitted from it.

"But, Mr. Bloom! I'm on commission, you know, and--and…" Suddenly the line fell dead silent, and for a moment he wondered if she had gotten the point and disconnected, or just simply passed out from the drama of it all. Several moments later, she spoke again, only this time with a genuinely chipper voice. "Wait…Mr. Bloom? Jake Bloom? Are you at all related to Orlando Bloom?"

Jake blinked. "Well--"

"OmiGOSH. He's like, my all-time favorite actor EVER. Did you see him in Elizabethtown? Oh my goooosh. He was sooo sweet in it!" She let out a brief squeal, then continued. "Do you think, like, arrange for me to meet him?"


"I heard he had a brother name Jake! Ohhhh, to think I'd end up calling Orlando Bloom's brother! Ha, if only they could see me now! They told me this job would never amount to anything, but--"
"Well," said Jake, "He's very busy, you know, so a personal meeting would be a bit hard to arrange." He heard a slight gasp of disappointment come from the poor girl, so he quickly added, "But--but I might be able to get you his autograph, if you like."

"OmiGOSH! That would be so cool!"

"But, of course you understand that he can't give out an autograph simply to everyone who asks. He's a busy man--but not a cruel one, so I'm sure I could convince him if he had the proper incentive. Say…30 dollars?"

"30? Omigosh, I'd pay like, fifty thousand!"

"Well, he wouldn't want you breaking the bank on his account. 30 is much more reasonable, don't you think?"

Once they had arranged the transaction, the call ended and Jake was able to get back to his dinner. He smiled to himself as he ate, thinking of how nice it would be to have a bit of extra spending money. Maybe he'd buy some books, or maybe he'd get a haircut at one of those expensive salons downtown. Maybe he'd go watch Elizabethtown.