12:14 and Happy New Year, again

They say that life is all black and white, with just a tinge of gray and even a dash of yellow thrown in, just to make things interesting. They say that a year can be good and a year can be bad and there's not really an in-between, it's just good or it's just bad or it's just great or it's just terrible.

Well, after all I've seen this year, I suppose I'd have to say it falls into that "really flicking terrible" category, but that doesn't explain why I'm sad to see it go.

Of course, it's all part of life and growing up and al that other really philosophical and mature sounding crap. I flourish in adversity, it's true. I love to be in bad moods and have bad things happen because it changes me and change is so refreshing, so revitalizing, it makes me something totally new, and, to someone who's never content for long, it's just what I need.

So, all things considered, when they let off the mortars-of-hell and totally shattered the competition in the artillery war we'd been having because it was midnight and everyone else breathed a sigh of relief that this hellish year we'd been having was over, I just stood still, clutching the watch and staring at the water, foggy and clouded with smoke, and watching the reflections of the faint and faded stars wink away a year of total change.

Well, it's past midnight, 12:14 actually, and everyone's still drinking beer and no one bothered to open champagne because no one could find the stupid corkscrew, and I'm sitting in my room, nowhere near asleep, and wondering how a new year can feel so damn old.

Nothing changed because Oh My God It's Midnight So It's A New Year. Nothing changed when we nearly blew up the river with mortars because we wanted to start the year off with a blast. Nothing changed because a year of change was over and done with. Nothing changed because what's done is done and the change will change itself again soon enough.

It's a new year, a fresh start, even though it's been rotting for a while now. Fate and destiny and all that crap don't care when it's midnight or when it's a new year or when it's a convenient time to change. Life will change whenever it pleases, and I'll be along for the ride and I'll grow another few inches and age another few moments by the time it's all over.

So, it's 12:14 and Happy New Year, again.