you've got your eyes set on

friday night lights

(even though it's saturday)

and even when you fall down

down onto your knees, you just somersault

back up

and give me an A.

an A to the face to say that you're 'a okay'

even though your cheeks are powdered blue and

your arms/knees are shaking, and you

kind of remind me of a broken ballerina who

has taken





Except that you're not broken

just fragile

'handle me with care'

you say lightly even though

you're dead serious

as we sway to the lover's music

my eyes fixed onto

your fairy feet.


I swear

if I didn't carry you properly I would

break the halos

hanging loosely around

your size two waist

that shine like

e v a n e s c e n c e.

And you're slipping

and dripping from my fingers like

a snow angel in the summer

as I carry you home

But you don't even know where that is, do you?

You find your sanctuary in the bottom of your pill bottles

lined up neatly in the bathroom cabinet, just like

your nail polish collection

but not as easily removed.

and on the porcelain edge as

the tiles dig into your kneecaps

you scream out profanities because

you can't breathe

and you can't


your eyes bleeding out painful

painful memories.


you go to sleep still wearing

yesterday's sequin dress

laced with sweat and vomit

to dream

of a better tomorrow.

But you can't fool me.

You even have demons in your dreams

chasing you


at the sins trailing on your stiletto

(a mile long)

and you wake up


eyes wet, eyes red.

While I watch you

half hidden in the dark

w o n d e r i n g


What you have become.

(a show girl with too much glitter on her cheeks they say)

'You are so much better than that.'

I whisper


your limp hair

over sprayed and over done.

Don't you know that you shine on your own?

( lately you've been purging on butterfly wings and

broken hearts that I think you threw up your will.)

Your will to live.

Red and torn lying on the bathroom floor, bleeding the times away.

and the next day

you smile


(I can still see the alcohol swimming in your eyes)


'I'll be fine' and 'sorry about yesterday'

but you drop the

'it won't happen again'

because a person can only get oh so blind





and I pause and smile as I watch you paint your face

And tie rainbow ribbons in your hair

hoping for a better tomorrow.

because we already know what's going to happen today.