you've got your eyes set on
friday night lights
(even though it's saturday)
and even when you fall down
down onto your knees, you just somersault
and give me an A.
an A to the face to say that you're 'a okay'
even though your cheeks are powdered blue and
your arms/knees are shaking, and you
kind of remind me of a broken ballerina who
Except that you're not broken
'handle me with care'
you say lightly even though
you're dead serious
as we sway to the lover's music
my eyes fixed onto
your fairy feet.
if I didn't carry you properly I would
break the halos
hanging loosely around
your size two waist
that shine like
e v a n e s c e n c e.
And you're slipping
and dripping from my fingers like
a snow angel in the summer
as I carry you home
But you don't even know where that is, do you?
You find your sanctuary in the bottom of your pill bottles
lined up neatly in the bathroom cabinet, just like
your nail polish collection
but not as easily removed.
and on the porcelain edge as
the tiles dig into your kneecaps
you scream out profanities because
you can't breathe
and you can't
your eyes bleeding out painful
you go to sleep still wearing
yesterday's sequin dress
laced with sweat and vomit
of a better tomorrow.
But you can't fool me.
You even have demons in your dreams
at the sins trailing on your stiletto
(a mile long)
and you wake up
eyes wet, eyes red.
While I watch you
half hidden in the dark
w o n d e r i n g
What you have become.
(a show girl with too much glitter on her cheeks they say)
'You are so much better than that.'
your limp hair
over sprayed and over done.
Don't you know that you shine on your own?
( lately you've been purging on butterfly wings and
broken hearts that I think you threw up your will.)
Your will to live.
Red and torn lying on the bathroom floor, bleeding the times away.
and the next day
(I can still see the alcohol swimming in your eyes)
'I'll be fine' and 'sorry about yesterday'
but you drop the
'it won't happen again'
because a person can only get oh so blind
and I pause and smile as I watch you paint your face
And tie rainbow ribbons in your hair
hoping for a better tomorrow.
because we already know what's going to happen today.